A few of us in the automotive hobby have come to know and appreciate our Haynes service manuals. However, these manuals are written in ENGLISH, not AMERICAN. Some of the terms may be confusing to those unfamiliar with British automotive jargon.
As a courtesy to friends who enjoy automobiles, or those curious about the hobby, your Wandering Gentile has prepared a glossary of British automotive terms translated into American.
SPANNER- A tool who sends you unsolicited e-mail.
BOOT- An oversize bit of footwear in the trunk.
SPARKING PLUGS- Someone forgot to remove the bloody ground cable, didn't he?
REMOVE NEGATIVE CABLE FROM BATTERY- If followed to the letter on a Lucas/Prince of Darkness system, and owner leaves the key on, his car will become an Austin/Morris/MG/Wolseley/Riley/Triumph/Rover/Standard Chernobyl upon replacement of cable on positive-ground system.
I.C.E.- The people who will have some question about your immigration status if they hear Shakira on your radio.
WHEELBRACE- Thang whut looks lak uh tar arn.
WING- Hey, Ah tole ya they got them fline cars over in Anglund.
OFFSIDE/NEARSIDE- Not even the British are entirely certain about the rules on this one. It's kind of like Cricket. (RIP, Mr Woolmer)
BONNET- Famous NASCAR driver where the hood ought to be.
HOOD- It's like the English have a different word for everything. It looks like a convertible top to me.
CROSS-PLY TYRE- Apparently the belts don't get along.
SALOON- You got to be kidding. John Wayne wouldn't be caught dead in this thing for all the Rye Whiskey ever distilled. He probably wouldn't even fit.
MINICAR- Roller Skate with an attitude.
MoT- Bureaucrats who have an agenda for the promotion of public transit.
FOUR STAR PETROL- Urine with an attitude.
TWO STAR PETROL- Urine without an attitude.
FORECOURT- Where the gas pumps are.
MULTI STOREY CAR PARK- Parking deck. Expensive.
CITROEN- French word for "lemon."
RENAULT- French word for "(excrement)."
(Repurposed from content originally posted at Opel GT.com, March, 2007.)
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