Peace is Patriotic

The War in Iraq is not a good thing, it is merely the least bad option. Can the question be posed that perhaps-just maybe- Bush is not stupid? In an atmosphere surrounded by individuals who complain about the cost of Unleaded Regular and shout "Viva Bush" sarcastically...well, one individual, anyway, the opportunity has come to ask the question: "Could this be worse?"

It could be much worse.

After 9/11, the nation's options were limited. The United States was on the receiving end of an act of War.

Issue: there was no nation-state backing al-Qaeda.

Answer:Yeah, and OJ had nothing to do with what happened to Nicole, either. There was no paper link to al-Qaeda with Iraq, and the Republican party has had a hard-on for Saddam since 1991. That does not mean that they were totally wrong on this one either.

The last thing you want to do when you commit a crime is put plans on paper, because those things can bite your face off. Period. It is futile to discuss these kinds of links, and the factions who wanted a diplomatic solution understand the futility, because the futility of finding a link furthers the anti-war, but not necessarily pro-peace, agenda. Whether or not there was a relationship cannot be proven, however a result was both necessary and desirable.

Without a nation-state to legitimize whatever fatwas were being enforced by al-Qaeda, a direct attack on al-Qaeda forces was not possible. Al-Qaeda had to be drawn out, and their resources had to be occupied at a central point. Saddam Hussein, for all of his pendejadas, offered the venue for drawing al-Qaeda out like cockroaches in a dark room.

We needed Saddam flipping off the UN like Salma Hayek needs a third breast. Flipping off the UN isn't necessarily a bad thing, but being a loudmouth bully compensating for personal inadequacies and basically acting like a jerk with very large weapons...not good. The fact that he had used WMDs in the past and the (Magnificent!) Israeli response to his nuclear program back in '82 all lead to the conclusion that this is someone you do not want screwing around within 10,000 miles of you. Eventually something bad was going to happen.

Saddam Hussein was not listed as a credible threat. Big Deal. Not every credible threat walks up to international organizations with a credential that says "Hi! I want to blow up the world!"

That's like putting a "kick me" sign on a handcuffed authority figure in a junior high school. It's also about as productive in realizing a dialog resulting in closure. Ask Doctor Evil how well it works, sometime.

There was no dialog to be realized with Saddam. He was screening his calls and ignoring everything with a US, UN, or UK area code. But Saddam had done the rest of the world a solid favor in producing a secular, educated society, with a fair amount of industrialization. If the head of a household were to behave like Saddam Hussein, he would be locked up in DeKalb County, Georgia or Marin County, California. Domestic violence is against the law. So is Saddam Hussein's behavior, and with the UN resolutions after the'91 conflict, we had the warrant to go in.

So Saddam stomped around like a drunken wifebeater, and screamed how he was going to take everybody with him if anyone dared to take him down. He simply needed a rolled up newspaper across the nose like the mangy cur he is. Hinesville, Georgia's Third and Killeen, Texas' Fourth infantry divisions took care of the whipping he had been asking for. Hence we found him in a cast off Eisenhower era bomb shelter eating Spam and using a Pepsi bottle for a sanitary service. We knew Saddam was a punk.

Saddam's arrogance made him a target. This is not about crude oil, but it doesn't hurt, either.
The Bush administration deserves credit where credit is due. Instead of merely waiting for al-Qaeda to blow something up in another city, or Saddam to prove that he did have a WMD, they made a decision that may result in lives being saved.

Nobody is happy about 1800 young Americans who have lost their lives over the last 2 years. We would be a lot less happy about a WMD. An oops or a dud could still cost 1800 civilian lives. For our internationalist friends, that terrorist could just as easily hit Toronto, or Paris, or Berlin.

Our friends in Madrid are all too aware that the "West" doesn't end at Uncle Sam's yard.

Popping up in Iraq has saved lives in the United States, and will serve to improve lives in the Middle East. The fact of the matter is that al-Qaeda is not the Soviet Union, nor does it have unlimited resources. Fanatics and their allies are not fighting for freedom nor independence, but rather to enslave humanity to a blasphemy of Islam that rewards murderers of innocents; the same murder of innocents prohibited by the Koran.

The arrival of American troops in Iraq put the fanatics of Islam on the defensive. In place of the time and resources to plan another attack on American soil, they have been forced to defend the Middle East...and the hue and cry for self-determination is starting to spread. It is ironic that the cradle of humanity is among the last places to emerge from dictatorship and tyranny. How fitting that we should be the messengers that invite our enslaved neighbors to join in our hope and dream of a better tomorrow.

It is just that the very thing that al-Qaeda and similar fanatics fear-Western pluralism with the rights implied for everyone, not just the adherents of a narrow ideology, has come to their back yard escorted by the United States Military.

Al-Qaeda asked for the fight against Western ideologies when they started blowing our stuff up in the '90s. Republicans who pillory Bill Clinton now for his inaction would have been all too happy to pillory his action at the time, and did. Democrats who would have supported a preemptive strike on Osama bin Laden in 1998 under Bill Clinton, now have a problem with preemptive action under George W. Bush.

This kind of partisanship threatens the very environment that allows it to exist. This much is certain; It doesn't matter if the President Is George W. Bush or Cynthia McKinney, Atlanta's Southside Socialist. Put the fight back in their yard and use everything you need, including WMDs. Al-Qaeda deserves to be blown off the face of the planet or at least to be beaten until they seem quaint and a bit dotty, like the Communists do.

And should anyone else come out to try something like putting a hole in America, they should be forewarned that we are ready, willing and able to put a hole in them the likes of which will cause a rewriting of their holiest texts.

Al-Qaeda should have asked Japan about that one a long time ago.

What Men Want

Every year that I have been in a relationship, I have faced the query about what I want for my birthday/christmas/anniversary gift.

That is about as pointless a question as has ever been asked. Most men like the same things. It does not have to be so hard as asking a question he should not answer.

Men do not want apparel. Unless you find the one in a million who is an honest Metrosexual...to wit a heterosexual who shops for shoes, HE DOES NOT WANT CLOTHES, PARTICULARLY CUTE ONES!!!!! All men have been getting "cute" clothes since they were born. We do not notice. If you want to get his attention, find the gaudiest T-shirt featuring the name of his favorite sports club and offer that. In my case, anything featuring the Atlanta Braves or the Miami Dolphins works fine. A Milan AC soccer shirt would be good too, as it combines one of my favorite sports with my favorite kind of car. How cool is that? It is a 43 on a scale of 1 to 10.

Men are by nature sexual. E mail him a naked picture of a breast he knows, nipple and all. If you wish to be unforgettable, that's a good one. We are quite fond of breasts, and even a bad one is still pretty good. There is no such thing as a bad nipple. There are asymetrical nipples, hard nipples, soft nipples, even suggestions of beer flavored nipples, but THERE ARE NO BAD NIPPLES!

Compliment his driving/directional acumen. He could get lost going two doors down to the convenience store with the 10'x10' fluorescent sign any other day, but if you wish to make an occasion, make him feel like a cross between Magellan and Dale Earnhardt, Jr. If you get really lost, start in after midnight and plan accordingly. You might even find out you like the worst neighborhood in the nearest big city.

Give him something tacky for the car. Not a problem if you own a Honda, but having a set of loud dual exhausts put on the V6 minivan requires chutzpah, and says "I love you" a hell of a lot better than something from the greeting card store. Bonus points are given for racing stripes, naked lady hood ornaments, curb feelers and anything from a truck stop with a Barjan package.
The polite car is a bit emasculating.

You have access to all the money and title to all of the female genitalia. Do not consider pornography to be your enemy, but rather, your ally in obseving new techniques. Particularly with men native to the Americas, men are enthusiastic adopters of new methods and behaviors especially in the bedroom. Lovemaking is a means of communication, and honestly, inhibition in bed walls off a viable and highly useful arena for opening up a dialog regarding feelings.

Okay, that's horsecrap, but it is very useful for getting him to clean out the garage because he owes you. Do something well enough and the TV doesn't move off Lifetime for a week.

Beer! Beer! Beer! All men love beer! More is better, his favorite brand is best.

Sports are important. If you want a man to get weak in the knees, a sporting event is always a good place to start. What is vital is knowing the sport that rocks his world. You must find out whether he likes a sport in season during the occasion. A NASCAR fan is out of luck at Christmas, and a Basketball fan has issues with an August birthday.

Take the heat from his ex. If you, like many women, are involved with a man who has children from a previous relationship, he still wants to hear from the younguns. What he has heard enough of, is what a sorry rat bastard he is from his ex. More than enough. It is still the kid's father's birthday, his birthday, or Christmas. Not that I have ever gotten that more than half a dozen times in 13 years, but you get the point about the issue. He can love your kids as much as his own, but if you keep pushing him to take the heat from his ex, that's a great way to find the off ramp from the relationship. You don't have to like her, but for God's sake, you can bury the hatchet for a day, right?

A favorite activity is good. But make sure the activity suits the person. A man who lives on Manhattan's Upper West Side and drives a Porsche 911 is probably not the camping type, and you'll do more harm than good taking a Conservative to a meeting of environmental activists. The occasion for a man should affirm his desires. You can work on the makeover on another date. Let him be himself, if only for a day.

Movies! Explosions! Gun Battles! Popcorn! Soda! MILK DUDS!!! Gratuitous Tittie jokes! The drama that won all the prizes can wait, unless you fancy the above on your birthday...
(Although a strategically located Milk Dud can be a gift that keeps on giving for both of you.)

Most of all, a gift is about who the recipient is, not who you want them to be.

Once that comes in clear, the intended recipient is much more receptive to constructive and productive changes.