Just a few thoughts about concepts of beauty. Being as your Wandering Gentile lives in a household filled with females ranging in age from seven to none of your damn business, sometimes questions exist about what men find attractive.
An unscientific survey of the Wandering Gentile's friends revealed that no man fantasizes about a nervous six-foot-tall witch with an eating disorder and a cocaine/heroin habit. Please understand that this survey was conducted among heterosexual men between 30 and dead, the majority of whom have well-paying jobs and/or long committed relationships.
So the fashion designers are apparently not appealing to women in the real world, or are longing for a universe of women who could be compared to an even higher-toned version of Cher. There's a happy thought!
What were the men most in favor of?
Curves! Because any idiot can go straight. The vast majority specified their own wives physiques, and even if they did not, your Wandering Gentile ain't telling. When it came to the most desirable female celebrity, an anonymous ballot came up thusly.
Salma Hayek...51% If 40 looks like this, 40 really is the new 20. Unfortunately, 40 also looks like the Wandering Gentile who was born in the same week in 1966. Draw your own conclusion.
Penelope Cruz...14% Salma's "Bandidas" co-star has lept several points on our survey.
Jessica Alba...14% Would have ranked higher, but several respondents went into fibrillation upon seeing her picture.
America Ferrera...7% Ugly Betty really is the new beautiful.
Rosario Dawson...6% We expected better, but she's still quite young.
Madeline Stowe...3% Outstanding showing for a woman who turns 49 this year!
Eva Mendes...2% Only a couple of the guys recognized her name,but most ballots had the page with her picture stuck to the ad for the new Asahi Divine Wind SUV.
Eva Longoria...2% Most guys are a little afraid of her character on Desperate Housewives.
Roselyn Sanchez...1% Another one from the nobody recognized her name file, but all of the respondents had seen Boat Trip repeatedly, and none of them mentioned Cuba Gooding, Junior's acting.
Doris Roberts...1%...this seems to have been Woody's ballot, but he ain't all there in the first place.
Several fads regarding appearance were also mentioned as needing to go away.
Fake Boobies...42% Robin Williams referred to them as "Nazi" boobies; they don't dance, they don't smile, they just stand there all day at attention. Heil happy, but real, A-cups!
The Landing Strip...28% It's like basic training for pedophilia, according to one respondent.
Small Hair...14% Many respondents were nostalgic for the eighties styles. Several were willing to begin wearing parachute pants if women would have big hair again. One offered to regrow his mullet, but due to advanced male pattern baldness would have been required to regrow it on his naughty bits.
Muffin Tops...8% There seemed to be a universal disdain for women who weigh 150 pounds plus wearing pants designed for a woman who weighs 110. One respondent suggested that if his wife puts on her Muffin Top pants again, he's going to show up at her family reunion in a Speedo and nothing else. Respondent weighs 348 pounds.
Camel Toes...6% The issue derived from not being able to readily examine the Camel Toe to ascertain it's true nature on women outside of an intimate relationship. Several respondents were concerned that the Camel Toe may be a pharmaceutically un-endowed man, particularly in parts of California, New York, and Miami.
Eyebrow Reconfiguration...2% These twisted individuals own copies of Frida for all of the wrong reasons. One respondent stated "What the hell was wrong with Anne Hathaway's eyebrows in The Princess Diaries?" Respondent is resting comfortably at a mental health facility in Colorado Springs, operated by Rev. Ted Hagerty's megachurch.
So what are we to understand from this survey?
1. Tall women do not engender as much desire as women who are, in the best Orwellian Politically Correct Doublespeak, not tall.
2. Women who are considered to be too thin are circumspect for drug habits and poor social interaction.
3. Real is better, and sexier.
Gee, one might think that men might judge more about what's inside a woman before putting anything of theirs in there as well...
15 February 2007
13 February 2007
FIRST 2008 ELECTION PREDICTIONS!!!
A short postcard based on what I see behind the cheesy plastic Wandering Gentile Keyboard.
Barring any major scandals, the Democrats will keep both houses of Congress. America has a bad case of Republican Fatigue, and it's getting worse.
The Republican presidential contenders are McCain and Giuliani. McCain has been too much of a hawk on the Iraq war from too far away in Arizona. He has great credibility on matters of war, but he's also going to be 72 by the time the election comes around. Giuliani, on the other hand, is a few years younger and has the credibility of having been the Mayor of 9/11.
Look for McCain to repeat his experiences from 2000, i.e., strong early then fading. Romney is the guy who will pull the conservative base, and he's a mortal lock for Veep.
The Democrats have some issues. Hillary can screw the whole thing up if she stays too long. Just because America has Republican Fatigue, doesn't mean we aren't just as tired of her. The Senator from New York has all of her husband's baggage, and none of his charm. She is about as likable as a scorpion in your underwear, and her voice is more painful.
There are some other Democrats out there, but there are only two worth mentioning. Barack Obama and Bill Richardson matter.
Dennis Kucinich seems to be sincere, and probably a decent guy. He also used to be the Mayor of Cleveland, a city which the rest of the country would be unlikely to miss if it fell into Lake Erie. In fact, his stewardship of Cleveland may have hastened the day when Lake Erie reclaims Cleveland, completely, thank goodness. Kucinich doesn't matter.
Tom Vilsack is or was the Governor of Iowa. You don't see a lot of people clamoring for a vacation in Des Moines, the Whitest city in North America. I get it. Vilsack wants us to remember that Iowa is still there and has many good things, none of which come to mind. What Iowa has is corn, rolling hills, Radar O' Reilly, and the place where Buddy Holly died.
Vilsack doesn't matter, and frankly, when one's state is best known for who died there, there is an image problem that must be dealt with. He's gone after the caucuses.
John Edwards is thinking about trying again. It's not the smartest thing he could do. He's the Democrats' Dan Quayle. Again, John Edwards appears to be a nice guy but he has the gravitas of The Cookie Monster. All Edwards is going to do is make people think of John Kerry, a man who looks like he's getting a digital prostate exam while he's doing windsurfing.
Go home, John Edwards, and watch the Bobcats. Set up some speaking engagements. Your 15 minutes are up, and 1982 called asking for their haircut back.
Al Gore? Yeah. Get an endorsement from Frank Zappa and then we'll talk.
Now we get to the ones who matter. Barack Obama is the perfect candidate. We'll shy away from Bidenesque adjectives, and go toward some stuff that Matters.
Obama is as charismatic as Reagan and Bill Clinton. That counts toward landslide and mandate. It is not an issue of his backstory or his politics. Senator Obama connects on a gut level that makes people feel as if they have known him forever. He's exciting to watch, and thoroughly in tune with a broad segment of the voting population.
Stated briefly, Senator Obama is a mainstream candidate who happens to qualify as black.
That separates him from a legion of African-American candidates who focused their campaigns solely on appeal to voters in the ghettoes of major cities. Barack Obama knows where the mainstream is, and does not maginalize himself by focusing on the South Side of Chicago and East St. Louis while turning his back on Rantoul, Evanston, and Carbondale.
Barring a cataclysmic event of some description, Senator Obama is the likely Democratic nominee. Hillary Clinton has a lot of fight in her, but something inside of anyone who has watched her knows that one way or another, she will put herself out of contention.
Even odds on Senator Clinton having an early season meltdown a la Howard Dean. Howard Dean had the illusion that all of America is like Vermont; Senator Clinton is under the illusion that New York is close to the mainstream of America. Both illusions are false. The bravado that serves Senator Clinton in New York is just going to enfuriate everything between the coasts.
Bill Richardson matters, and (amusingly) on a Dave Chappelle level. Governor Richardson is Hispanic. Dave Chappelle once said that if he were to be the first Black President, he would appoint a Hispanic Vice-President. On a higher level, the Dems need candidates from Flyover country, and New Mexico is about as flyover as it gets without being Iowa. Richardson brings executive experience from a purple state to questions about Obama's lack of past executive position on the ticket.
Now! The two tickets as seen from 21 months out!
Republican Presidential Nominee: Rudy Giuliani (NY).
Republican Vice Presidential Nominee: Mitt Romney (MA).
Democratic Presidential Nominee: Barack Obama (IL).
Democratic Vice Presidential Nominee: Bill Richardson (NM).
And a quick thought: Giuliani could squeak one out over Hillary. Obama is a landslide, the question is when it's going to happen.
Barring any major scandals, the Democrats will keep both houses of Congress. America has a bad case of Republican Fatigue, and it's getting worse.
The Republican presidential contenders are McCain and Giuliani. McCain has been too much of a hawk on the Iraq war from too far away in Arizona. He has great credibility on matters of war, but he's also going to be 72 by the time the election comes around. Giuliani, on the other hand, is a few years younger and has the credibility of having been the Mayor of 9/11.
Look for McCain to repeat his experiences from 2000, i.e., strong early then fading. Romney is the guy who will pull the conservative base, and he's a mortal lock for Veep.
The Democrats have some issues. Hillary can screw the whole thing up if she stays too long. Just because America has Republican Fatigue, doesn't mean we aren't just as tired of her. The Senator from New York has all of her husband's baggage, and none of his charm. She is about as likable as a scorpion in your underwear, and her voice is more painful.
There are some other Democrats out there, but there are only two worth mentioning. Barack Obama and Bill Richardson matter.
Dennis Kucinich seems to be sincere, and probably a decent guy. He also used to be the Mayor of Cleveland, a city which the rest of the country would be unlikely to miss if it fell into Lake Erie. In fact, his stewardship of Cleveland may have hastened the day when Lake Erie reclaims Cleveland, completely, thank goodness. Kucinich doesn't matter.
Tom Vilsack is or was the Governor of Iowa. You don't see a lot of people clamoring for a vacation in Des Moines, the Whitest city in North America. I get it. Vilsack wants us to remember that Iowa is still there and has many good things, none of which come to mind. What Iowa has is corn, rolling hills, Radar O' Reilly, and the place where Buddy Holly died.
Vilsack doesn't matter, and frankly, when one's state is best known for who died there, there is an image problem that must be dealt with. He's gone after the caucuses.
John Edwards is thinking about trying again. It's not the smartest thing he could do. He's the Democrats' Dan Quayle. Again, John Edwards appears to be a nice guy but he has the gravitas of The Cookie Monster. All Edwards is going to do is make people think of John Kerry, a man who looks like he's getting a digital prostate exam while he's doing windsurfing.
Go home, John Edwards, and watch the Bobcats. Set up some speaking engagements. Your 15 minutes are up, and 1982 called asking for their haircut back.
Al Gore? Yeah. Get an endorsement from Frank Zappa and then we'll talk.
Now we get to the ones who matter. Barack Obama is the perfect candidate. We'll shy away from Bidenesque adjectives, and go toward some stuff that Matters.
Obama is as charismatic as Reagan and Bill Clinton. That counts toward landslide and mandate. It is not an issue of his backstory or his politics. Senator Obama connects on a gut level that makes people feel as if they have known him forever. He's exciting to watch, and thoroughly in tune with a broad segment of the voting population.
Stated briefly, Senator Obama is a mainstream candidate who happens to qualify as black.
That separates him from a legion of African-American candidates who focused their campaigns solely on appeal to voters in the ghettoes of major cities. Barack Obama knows where the mainstream is, and does not maginalize himself by focusing on the South Side of Chicago and East St. Louis while turning his back on Rantoul, Evanston, and Carbondale.
Barring a cataclysmic event of some description, Senator Obama is the likely Democratic nominee. Hillary Clinton has a lot of fight in her, but something inside of anyone who has watched her knows that one way or another, she will put herself out of contention.
Even odds on Senator Clinton having an early season meltdown a la Howard Dean. Howard Dean had the illusion that all of America is like Vermont; Senator Clinton is under the illusion that New York is close to the mainstream of America. Both illusions are false. The bravado that serves Senator Clinton in New York is just going to enfuriate everything between the coasts.
Bill Richardson matters, and (amusingly) on a Dave Chappelle level. Governor Richardson is Hispanic. Dave Chappelle once said that if he were to be the first Black President, he would appoint a Hispanic Vice-President. On a higher level, the Dems need candidates from Flyover country, and New Mexico is about as flyover as it gets without being Iowa. Richardson brings executive experience from a purple state to questions about Obama's lack of past executive position on the ticket.
Now! The two tickets as seen from 21 months out!
Republican Presidential Nominee: Rudy Giuliani (NY).
Republican Vice Presidential Nominee: Mitt Romney (MA).
Democratic Presidential Nominee: Barack Obama (IL).
Democratic Vice Presidential Nominee: Bill Richardson (NM).
And a quick thought: Giuliani could squeak one out over Hillary. Obama is a landslide, the question is when it's going to happen.
12 February 2007
How to Destroy the United States Without a Shot
Stop for a moment and imagine Chicago as the source for everything produced in the supermarket. All of the food goes through Chicago. Then imagine that every home is built at some point in Atlanta. Then consider that everything that gets cleaned in the country at one point or another has to go through one of those two cities.
Then imagine the Chicago and Atlanta metropolitan areas gone; disowned by the United States.
Instantly, five percent of the US economy is pulled out of the equation at the consumer level. The effect at the production level is over fifty per cent for housing, food and service industries. Transportation grinds to a halt, as there is nothing to haul.
Prices for food and housing triple overnight; the loss of consumers does not add enough slack in the system to account for the lack of production.
Americans stop buying homes. Fuel costs rise because the scarce goods that need to be transported still have to go the same distances to Miami and Seattle. A lack of finished products causes riots. Poor access to fresh fruits and vegetables allows disease to run rampant in remote corners of the lower 48 states.
Food riots break out in Boston, St. Louis and Denver. Thousands perish while stalking deliveries at warehouses in Detroit and Minneapolis. Truckers abandon their careers as a hellish Road Warrior mentality strikes the Interstates, and armed gangs attack trucks containing corn flakes and oranges.
Two million truckers are out of work. Wal Mart abandons rural areas, and greeters in Birmingham are strapped with semi-automatic pistols. Five million people who worked in retail are now seeking public assistance as their jobs went away with Chicago and Atlanta.
Now we're up to 21 million. Banking and investments are slipping, putting another two million out of the private sector. Automotive production grinds to a near standstill, idling another two million in the myriad facets of that industry.
Declining tax revenues decimate the federal budget, and the armed services are forced to serve as trainers for despotic regimes worldwide who are willing to part with finished goods. Some countries remember us as a friend, but most are happy to see us fall.
Doctors, nurses, and other medical professionals abandon our shores for Europe, Australia and the far east. Another ten million are gone or underemployed. Our highway system, once the envy of the world, becomes a series of potholes connected with patches.
Construction becomes a memory of better times, and eight million more are idled in New York and San Francisco, and everywhere else. Government jobs which once seemed stable and secure dry up in this atmosphere.
As a last ditch effort to save the country, California is sold to the People's Republic of China as a trade for outstanding debt going into default. Texas is returned to Mexico, and most of the Midwest is returned to France.
The south splinters off as a New Confederacy, before an eventual alliance with Canada and the Commonwealth. Florida and Puerto Rico are merged with the New Bolivarian Union under Hugo Chavez and Evo Morales.
Imagine Chicago and Atlanta removed from the equation.
Then change the 14 million to illegal aliens who make up a disproportionate part of the production of food and construction industries in the United States.
Who is willing to kill the country in order to save it?
Then imagine the Chicago and Atlanta metropolitan areas gone; disowned by the United States.
Instantly, five percent of the US economy is pulled out of the equation at the consumer level. The effect at the production level is over fifty per cent for housing, food and service industries. Transportation grinds to a halt, as there is nothing to haul.
Prices for food and housing triple overnight; the loss of consumers does not add enough slack in the system to account for the lack of production.
Americans stop buying homes. Fuel costs rise because the scarce goods that need to be transported still have to go the same distances to Miami and Seattle. A lack of finished products causes riots. Poor access to fresh fruits and vegetables allows disease to run rampant in remote corners of the lower 48 states.
Food riots break out in Boston, St. Louis and Denver. Thousands perish while stalking deliveries at warehouses in Detroit and Minneapolis. Truckers abandon their careers as a hellish Road Warrior mentality strikes the Interstates, and armed gangs attack trucks containing corn flakes and oranges.
Two million truckers are out of work. Wal Mart abandons rural areas, and greeters in Birmingham are strapped with semi-automatic pistols. Five million people who worked in retail are now seeking public assistance as their jobs went away with Chicago and Atlanta.
Now we're up to 21 million. Banking and investments are slipping, putting another two million out of the private sector. Automotive production grinds to a near standstill, idling another two million in the myriad facets of that industry.
Declining tax revenues decimate the federal budget, and the armed services are forced to serve as trainers for despotic regimes worldwide who are willing to part with finished goods. Some countries remember us as a friend, but most are happy to see us fall.
Doctors, nurses, and other medical professionals abandon our shores for Europe, Australia and the far east. Another ten million are gone or underemployed. Our highway system, once the envy of the world, becomes a series of potholes connected with patches.
Construction becomes a memory of better times, and eight million more are idled in New York and San Francisco, and everywhere else. Government jobs which once seemed stable and secure dry up in this atmosphere.
As a last ditch effort to save the country, California is sold to the People's Republic of China as a trade for outstanding debt going into default. Texas is returned to Mexico, and most of the Midwest is returned to France.
The south splinters off as a New Confederacy, before an eventual alliance with Canada and the Commonwealth. Florida and Puerto Rico are merged with the New Bolivarian Union under Hugo Chavez and Evo Morales.
Imagine Chicago and Atlanta removed from the equation.
Then change the 14 million to illegal aliens who make up a disproportionate part of the production of food and construction industries in the United States.
Who is willing to kill the country in order to save it?
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