14 April 2012
06 April 2012
A Little Atlanta Nostalgia
For those of you who did not grow up in Atlanta in the eighties, please bear with a middle-aged man's ramblings about a time long gone.
For those of you who did, well, let's go home.
YOU KNOW YOU GREW UP IN 1980s ATLANTA WHEN:
There will never be a greater movie theater than the dollar movie at Toco Hills.
If Gordon Soley is not doing the interviews, it is not real wrestling.
You know why Ross and Wilson were fired from Z-93.
A member of your family has disappeared and it is entirely possible that they were paved over during the "Freeing the Freeways" project.
You remember that occasionally, channel 36 would show uncut films.
You have seen a Burt Reynolds movie being filmed downtown.
You know about the secret screen at the Lenox Square movie theater which is actually smaller than your television today.
Explaining to friends from up north that Krystals and White Castles are not the same thing is second nature.
You have seen a Braves game on television where they had more people on the field than in the stands.
You have been furious because you wanted to read Grizzard and the only paper left was a Journal.
You remember when there were 7-Elevens, Majik Markets, and Tennecos.
The word Camaro instantly conjures the image of a Rebel flag bandanna tied around a rear view mirror which now resides on top of the dashboard.
It does not matter where you have been, the longest drive on Earth is Interstate 16 to Savannah. Particularly if you have to pee.
The words "New Midfield Terminal" have significance.
You remember English being spoken on Buford Highway.
A friend from California was overjoyed to discover that we had Del Taco...and you liked them better than Taco Bell, anyway.
Buying a car that already had a new tag sticker meant you had until next April to get insurance and put it in your name.
You took a train with friends from out of town to show it off, not because it actually went anywhere you wanted to go...yet.
Going to Chattanooga to get porn was actually necessary.
You remember staying up until midnight to watch Dave Allen at Large on channel 11.
The words "...enough carpet to cover Cleveland. Completely!" instantly bring back a Pythonian image of the Statue of Liberty stating "Thank Goodness!"
Your friends from Cleveland failed to see the humor in the Statue of Liberty's gratitude over enough carpet to cover Cleveland. Completely.
Wes and Monica are on channel 2 Action News. Forrest and Pam are on channel 5 Eyewitness News. CNN's next hires are on 11 Alive Newsroom.
A socially inept classmate was still a member of the channel 46 Goodtime Gang.
You remember the Purple Cow and at least one of your classmates being mortified by a personal message contained within.
You have never played the dozens. But you have damn sure jawned somebody good.
Shopping for a car meant going to Starvin' Marvin's on a Tuesday for the Auto Trader, Wednesday for Tradin' Times, and Thursday for the Atlanta Advertiser.
A long Friday night at the midnight movies ends by sobering up at the Waffle House, stepping out into the humidity, and asking, "Where the hell am I. And what the hell did I do with my car?"
For those of you who did, well, let's go home.
YOU KNOW YOU GREW UP IN 1980s ATLANTA WHEN:
There will never be a greater movie theater than the dollar movie at Toco Hills.
If Gordon Soley is not doing the interviews, it is not real wrestling.
You know why Ross and Wilson were fired from Z-93.
A member of your family has disappeared and it is entirely possible that they were paved over during the "Freeing the Freeways" project.
You remember that occasionally, channel 36 would show uncut films.
You have seen a Burt Reynolds movie being filmed downtown.
You know about the secret screen at the Lenox Square movie theater which is actually smaller than your television today.
Explaining to friends from up north that Krystals and White Castles are not the same thing is second nature.
You have seen a Braves game on television where they had more people on the field than in the stands.
You have been furious because you wanted to read Grizzard and the only paper left was a Journal.
You remember when there were 7-Elevens, Majik Markets, and Tennecos.
The word Camaro instantly conjures the image of a Rebel flag bandanna tied around a rear view mirror which now resides on top of the dashboard.
It does not matter where you have been, the longest drive on Earth is Interstate 16 to Savannah. Particularly if you have to pee.
The words "New Midfield Terminal" have significance.
You remember English being spoken on Buford Highway.
A friend from California was overjoyed to discover that we had Del Taco...and you liked them better than Taco Bell, anyway.
Buying a car that already had a new tag sticker meant you had until next April to get insurance and put it in your name.
You took a train with friends from out of town to show it off, not because it actually went anywhere you wanted to go...yet.
Going to Chattanooga to get porn was actually necessary.
You remember staying up until midnight to watch Dave Allen at Large on channel 11.
The words "...enough carpet to cover Cleveland. Completely!" instantly bring back a Pythonian image of the Statue of Liberty stating "Thank Goodness!"
Your friends from Cleveland failed to see the humor in the Statue of Liberty's gratitude over enough carpet to cover Cleveland. Completely.
Wes and Monica are on channel 2 Action News. Forrest and Pam are on channel 5 Eyewitness News. CNN's next hires are on 11 Alive Newsroom.
A socially inept classmate was still a member of the channel 46 Goodtime Gang.
You remember the Purple Cow and at least one of your classmates being mortified by a personal message contained within.
You have never played the dozens. But you have damn sure jawned somebody good.
Shopping for a car meant going to Starvin' Marvin's on a Tuesday for the Auto Trader, Wednesday for Tradin' Times, and Thursday for the Atlanta Advertiser.
A long Friday night at the midnight movies ends by sobering up at the Waffle House, stepping out into the humidity, and asking, "Where the hell am I. And what the hell did I do with my car?"
05 April 2012
Over? No, Not Just Yet!
As the current Republican primary season drags to its grinding end with a mediocre candidate, Democrats have been gifted with another opportunity from Republican incompetence.
To wit, there is plenty of time to put both houses of Congress into play.
It would have been fun to watch Santorum and Romney play their childish genital-metric competition to see which one could be more vicious to women, minorities, and anyone else they preferred to see voiceless. But while this is fun to see how badly one can destroy the other, neither is likely to become sympathetic between now and November.
However, Democrats are now in a position to begin running the table.
Republicans, in a fit of pique over the first President who was not completely white, played upon the basest bigotries of white voters and managed to elect an extreme House of Representatives in 2010. This was a House which has managed to accomplish next to nothing in the 15 months since their inauguration.
Not only did they fail to turn back any legislation from President Obama's agenda during the first two years, they have also failed to propose any new alternatives from their own agenda in the same time span. It is as if someone were hired to clean and restore a dwelling, and decided that the fastest, most effective method of accomplishing that end were by setting that dwelling ablaze.
A convicted arsonist would likely be able to relate, the fire is a LOT of fun, but Fire Investigators can be so blamed fussy.
There is a not-unjustified call of "a pox upon both of their houses," from moderates and the sincerely apolitical. This call has its root in the propaganda of the right, which is heavily invested in maintaining the illusion that both sides are equally culpable in the betrayal of the majority of American citizens.
Should the Democratic campaign committee choose, an opportunity exists in the next few months to destroy the Republican Party's congressional aspirations, too. One hopes to show some possible examples of advertising which could work well.
Commercial 1: "I believe that using government to install the most restrictive principles of my faith is more important than improving the economy and creating jobs."
Commercial 2: "I believe in smaller, less intrusive Government. Which is why I believe that they have no right to mandate birth control, but they have a right to obligate a woman to undergo a transvaginal ultrasound."
Commercial 3: A montage of signs with ever-climbing fuel prices topping 5 or 6 dollars a gallon. Dark, minor chord piano follows the montage as we are taken to a senior citizen under a blanket in a dark home. There is a can of pet food with a spoon sticking out of it, and the senior citizen coughs as the viewer is taken to a boardroom with the words "Big Oil" on the wall.
"So, what are you going to do with your part of the subsidy?" One executive asks another.
"I'm going to contribute to (Republican Congressman) John Smith! He made sure that we, the job creators, kept that money instead of giving it to people who are doing nothing for the economy."
And so on...
Should the Democratic Party get serious about not only winning the White House but both houses of Congress, it will likely take but a mild examination of the actual priorities of the Republican Party and a small dash of sarcasm to do so. Because everyone knows that they can dish it out, but they can't take it.
To wit, there is plenty of time to put both houses of Congress into play.
It would have been fun to watch Santorum and Romney play their childish genital-metric competition to see which one could be more vicious to women, minorities, and anyone else they preferred to see voiceless. But while this is fun to see how badly one can destroy the other, neither is likely to become sympathetic between now and November.
However, Democrats are now in a position to begin running the table.
Republicans, in a fit of pique over the first President who was not completely white, played upon the basest bigotries of white voters and managed to elect an extreme House of Representatives in 2010. This was a House which has managed to accomplish next to nothing in the 15 months since their inauguration.
Not only did they fail to turn back any legislation from President Obama's agenda during the first two years, they have also failed to propose any new alternatives from their own agenda in the same time span. It is as if someone were hired to clean and restore a dwelling, and decided that the fastest, most effective method of accomplishing that end were by setting that dwelling ablaze.
A convicted arsonist would likely be able to relate, the fire is a LOT of fun, but Fire Investigators can be so blamed fussy.
There is a not-unjustified call of "a pox upon both of their houses," from moderates and the sincerely apolitical. This call has its root in the propaganda of the right, which is heavily invested in maintaining the illusion that both sides are equally culpable in the betrayal of the majority of American citizens.
Should the Democratic campaign committee choose, an opportunity exists in the next few months to destroy the Republican Party's congressional aspirations, too. One hopes to show some possible examples of advertising which could work well.
Commercial 1: "I believe that using government to install the most restrictive principles of my faith is more important than improving the economy and creating jobs."
Commercial 2: "I believe in smaller, less intrusive Government. Which is why I believe that they have no right to mandate birth control, but they have a right to obligate a woman to undergo a transvaginal ultrasound."
Commercial 3: A montage of signs with ever-climbing fuel prices topping 5 or 6 dollars a gallon. Dark, minor chord piano follows the montage as we are taken to a senior citizen under a blanket in a dark home. There is a can of pet food with a spoon sticking out of it, and the senior citizen coughs as the viewer is taken to a boardroom with the words "Big Oil" on the wall.
"So, what are you going to do with your part of the subsidy?" One executive asks another.
"I'm going to contribute to (Republican Congressman) John Smith! He made sure that we, the job creators, kept that money instead of giving it to people who are doing nothing for the economy."
And so on...
Should the Democratic Party get serious about not only winning the White House but both houses of Congress, it will likely take but a mild examination of the actual priorities of the Republican Party and a small dash of sarcasm to do so. Because everyone knows that they can dish it out, but they can't take it.
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