25 April 2009

Chill Out, I Got This

It appears that the Obama Administration is off to a roaring start in its first hundred days. The man has managed to lead from the center, and he seems to be holding all of the credibility cards.

This is extremely bad news for Republicans and Conservatives.

If the Gentle Reader will recall, the original tactics have not worked out very well. Opposing everything that the Administration supports, screaming "SOCIALIST" really loud, and hoping that Obama gets recognition for everything proposed and passed have basically made Republicans look like the Hillbillies and neighborhood Yard Nazis that most of them are.


One will recall what a Yard Nazi is: a white male between 45 and dead who drives a full-size American sedan, and calls the cops any time he sees a neighborhood kid touch his grass. He is also the guy who got egged every Halloween. If somebody chucked an anonymous bag of used diapers out of a car, they went on his beloved lawn. And the Yard Nazi was always the number one target of getting his house rolled/tp'ed or his front door (excrement)-bombed.


They are the last ones listening to Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, and Sean Hannity. For those readers who saw pictures of the Teabaggers at their local venue, who can honestly state that the people seen there were not a 60%-38% mix favoring Yard Nazis over Hillbillies?


One appreciates that there were some very sincere and honorable people at the Tea Parties. But when one's political activism only includes grievances and broad policy objectives without any specific method for achieving said objectives, the activist becomes his opposition's best advertisement. Thus by losing Reagan's optimism and pragmatism, Republicans are pushing the center away with a Snowplow.


This is something Obama pulled out of his ear. He is the first Democrat to get that optimism and pragmatism appeal to the center. Has President Obama managed to achieve all of his objectives from the campaign trail? No, because no one can live up to any campaign's litany of goals. Has he managed to move on controversial actions and prevail? More often than not, Obama has been successful.


By appealing to the center, where a third of the country's voters abide, he risks losing a few on the ultra-left by not being Liberal enough, and the perpetual right wasn't going to vote for him anyway. The further Republicans move toward the Teabagger mentality, the wider the center willing to hear Obama becomes. As the economy eventually recovers, the question will become that of the '84 Reagan campaign: Are you better off now than you were four years ago?


The moment is coming where one wish of Conservative pundits is about to come true, and it's going to backfire on Republicans. The hope was that President Obama be credited for every act of the new administration. Once economic recovery takes root, all of those "no" votes are going to haunt Republicans like Marley's ghost.


It begins now. The same talkers desiring Obama get full accountability for the measures to counteract the recent unpleasantness are working on borrowed time. Local conservative talk has imploded in California, with ratings now drilling for oil under Hell. Tertiary hosts are one, maybe two ratings books from gone, and secondary hosts will be out within a couple of years.


After this winnowing, the only ones left will be Rush, Sean, and a couple of hosts in deep-red local markets like Atlanta's Neal Boortz and Dallas-Fort Worth's Mark Davis. There are already indications that Conservative talk radio is beginning to infight and pressure lesser-known hosts into staying on the reservation. The same sub-national presenters are evidencing a use of the smaller programs as a source of callers to nationally syndicated broadcasts.

As things exist right now, the local figures are serving to identify callers who are still in step with the agenda of national programs. There is a case to be made that screeners are coaching the same callers to expel talking points in a prescribed order which leaves the shows feeling as spontaneous as the construction of a shopping mall.

Conservative talk is dying, and lives in denial of its mortality. An opening now exists which was not even believable a year ago. Liberal talk did not fail on the merit of ideas, as is so frequently suggested by conservatives. If liberalism had failed in the realm of ideas, Mitt Romney woud be the POTUS. Liberal talk became dormant upon a litany of mediocre broadcasters.

If a Jon Stewart or a Bill Maher were to begin a syndicated broadcast leaning upon Liberal ideas, it could succeed. The nation has already accepted a left-of-center president with enthusiasm. A left-of-center radio broadcast with an entertaining host and some semblance of spontanaeity could provide an offset to the structured ennui that has become Conservative radio.

Perhaps that could be the greatest accomplishment of progressive leadership.

14 April 2009

Why So Formal, Baldy?

After a few days of more feedback than usual, the title above came through in an e-mail from a Gentle Reader. Why so formal, Baldy, indeed. There are things which deserve a bit of protocol. Even for a writer whose bent is humorous, certain steps must be taken.

First and foremost, one must offer the reader an experience featuring a command of language. Particularly when the writer is an awful typist, dominion over grammar, vocabulary, spelling and punctuation can at least alleviate issues related to clumsiness with the keyboard. It is a courtesy that indicates that the writer takes the quality of his work seriously.

When communicating with a Gentle Reader, one is obligated to exhibit a bit of formality and decorum, provided that there has not been some kind of vulgar or profane affront to your Wandering Gentile. At the point of a vulgar or profane affront, the GLOVES COME OFF. Of course, we had the last laugh as the last person who tried that was attempting to defend the indefensible, i.e., Sarah Palin's benefit to the McCain campaign.

The writer is first and foremost a servant of both the idea and the reader. His role is to connect the idea and the reader. The road is paved with vocabulary. Spelling puts lines on the pavement and punctuation hangs the signs. Grammar opens a second carriageway in the event that an idea gets out of control and jackknifes.

The idea is to stand apart from not only one's competitors and friendly rivals, but to establish a marked difference in content and quality from the questionable and just plain inferior.

The questionable must be addressed quickly. One imagines a quick Googling of "questionable thematic elements of opinion writing" would instantly cough up the entire body of writing by Michelle Malkin and Ann Coulter. These are very able and competent writers who happen to be wrong about everything.

Competence is what makes the questionable dangerous. The questionable is phrased competently and thus earns credibility. There is a yawning chasm in the realm of ideas between the George Wills and Thomas Friedmans and (heck, let's just combine them, they're probably composed by a committee in Stillwater, OK, anyway...)Moulter.

The questionable apes the tone of authentic conservatism, and adds the paranoia of a hillbilly on the edge of a meth overdose. Conspiracies and cabals hide in the questionable with the specter of Karl Rove holding Black Helicopter puppets just out of the reach of the toothless masses who have suckled at this teat.

The only good news about the questionable is that some of that audience can be salvaged with a bit of education and inclusion of Univision on their basic cable packages. We hillbllies do like our latinas with big hooties, which inspires hope for comprehensive immigration reform. Mrs. Wandering Gentile has noticed an uptick in attention to her breasts since moving to Georgia.

The just plain inferior is something altogether worse. Periodically, some cretin feels that he has the skills to add something to discourse and posts something in very large print to justify a fear that his way of life is about to vaporize. Invariably lacking sources, the second goal is conflating immigration with terrorism, or the pretext that persons from outside the United States are invariably treated better than citizens.

Either way, the ideas come from other hack sites as sources (when offered at all), and attempt to link the enjoyable with support for a weak thesis. Usually no source exists, thus giving credence to the idea that all anecdotes and numbers are PURE FICTION.

Frankly, if this is what informal gets, one hopes to be insulted by the incompetent. It becomes a complement. Thus, one elects formality. It is the best way to maintain integrity.

It is a commdity that cannot be purchased at any price.

13 April 2009

INDELICATE!

The Gentle Reader's forgiveness is begged. Your Wandering Gentile has been living in Girl World so long that he had not been to see Manny, Moe, and Jack since he and Moses (Horowitz)were working on an Oldsmobile together. One becomes inured to, if not indoctrinated in, Cute Shoes, Romance, and the ennui of nice.

Dude World recently made a roaring, drunken midnight phone call and connected deep within the confines of the Girl World inner sanctum where your Wandering Gentile dwells. You see, ABC Nightline did a segment on sexting. As if no one could have foreseen that teenagers and others with self-esteem issues might send naked pictures of themselves to others.

One imagines the very short time frame between the invention of the camera-equipped cell phone and the first sext, but one also imagines that quantum physicists have not established a reliable measure of such a short time frame.

Dude World rang with the revelation that one of the squeaky-clean, provisionally adult (old enough for voting, but not for drinking) female stars of a Disney entertainment franchise was photographed in the altogether. In the interest of responsible commentary, your Wandering Gentile was compelled to examine the uncensored photograph, several times. It was also bookmarked, and locked away behind a passcode.

Aside from being unable to dislodge The Cars' Moving In Stereo from my head, I feel quite well. Really.

The first shock upon seeing the photo was a discovery: pelt is back! Yes, the landing strip look sported by the dysfunctionally shorn singer-which made her appear as if she were smuggling an Arby's Roast Beef Sandwich between her thighs-does not work for everyone. To the eight Vegans who are not yet on notice, wearing fur is okay if one grows one's own. Robin Williams is undoubtedly thrilled.

It is easy enough to imagine the things going through her father's mind. He is my contemporary. First of all, he does not wish to reminded that his daughter is a full-growed hottie, under any circumstances, by his contemporaries.

One would not wish to be the photographer of record, specifically at the moment that the young actress in question discards the photographer for a more suitable male companion. Speculation exists that the is her squeaky-clean male co-star from the Disney entertainment franchise.

Note to the co-star: having a male appendage and working in a family-oriented Disney project is like being Levi Johnston or a guy not named Scotty wearing a red shirt on Star Trek. You are defined as "expendable." Most of your fan base has moved on to Twilight, the author of which was treated was treated much too kindly by Stephen King.

Many of the girls swooning over the co-star and Twilight are likely to remember both as their parents recall St. Elmo's Fire...and promptly hide the medium where the file is stored. Much better, one sees, for avoiding the wrath of critical children.

Regrettably, several provisions of constitutional law, specifically enjoinders upon cruel and unusual punishment, prohibit the co-star from being locked up and obligated to watch his own films.

However, the actress' father has likely entertained the fantasy of presenting her co-star to a very large Corcoran inmate who has spent significant time without companionship. The resulting mayhem could be videographed by Michael Eisner, with the co-star's 1970-71 Bobby Brady haircut in peculiar juxtaposition to the Corcoran inmate, as the object of an industry-specific short-subject, So You Want To Renegotiate Your Disney Contract?

As much as the actress' father, Michael Eisner, the Corcoran inmate and I would sincerely enjoy realizing the preceding scenario, the most likely outcome is little better. The 405 and the 101 are filled with former teen idols racing to Hollywood auditions for cable-TV reality shows in dilapidated cars with their CHECK ENGINE lights glowing. One cannot walk down the street in Venice without tripping over Leif Garrett or a Bay City Roller.

When the bad haircut turns to a Wandering Gentile haircut, and he spends his afternoons trying to hook up with soccer moms who recall his heyday 30 years before, the co-star will be able to answer one question.

Is it better to be a has been at 24, or a never was at 42?

11 April 2009

The Truth And Bad American

Kudos to Gentle Reader La Bruja of Venable City, Georgia, for the heads up on this e-mail. I would have provided a link but the craven bully who wrote a a rambling, disorganized discourse under the pseudonym "Bad American," but he didn't want to be linked to his cowardly repetition of fifteen-year-old Rush Limbaugh talking points.

Instead, we will attempt, through the use of the talking points employed by Mr. Bad American, to refute the propaganda of the right. Apparently these twits do not feel that America is large enough to hold an opinion other than their own vision of an all-white, technically Christian, English-speaking only nation that only existed on old episodes of Leave It To Beaver.

To the "Bad American," I am your worst nightmare. I am a southern, white, Christian, native speaker of English. I am also a LIBERAL, as is my President, my congress, and if we are fortunate, the Supreme Court. Very simply, conservatism has screwed up. Conservatism's strongest voices have moved from controlling the growth of Government and limiting its role to using Government to realize a vision of America which is closer to Hitler's Germany than the Nation I love.

I am proud of the millions of brave Americans who gave everything to face down the evil which would force those with whom they disagree from their jobs, homes and countries, if not declaring them "illegal," and committing genocide. Mr. Bad American, and proud conservative, why do you hate America? Does E Pluribus Unum only apply to Canadians who are unhappy with their health care system?

Our record with people not descended from northern Europe is abysmal. This does not suggest nobility or victimhood, but it does mean that people like YOU will not be allowed to dismiss a qualified LaToya Suarez from the inner city to employ an unqualified Laurie Shropshire from the suburbs.

Likewise, it appears that you have a great disdain for capitalism and profit. If a business owner chooses to make his products and services available to a broader market by employing bilingual staff, more power to him. In nine years of truck driving, over 48 states, I have as yet to find a place where I cannot order the meal of my choice, anywhere in the United States, in English.

If that business owner needs a bilingual staff because his market demands it, that is the business owner's decision. It is not up to you and government to ruin the man's business because you don't like his customers. This kind of disconnect is common to conservatives. I have thirty years of listening to Conservatives promise limited government, but every time I turn around they're making another law to restrict freedom.

If conservatives don't want to hear Spanish, they pass an English-only bill. If some competitor makes their unmotivated children look like the lazy, video-game addicted tubs of lard that many of them are, Conservatives will move the bar on immigration so their children don't have to compete as hard. If a Conservative feels that someone is moving into the position of succeding without their permission, they will perpetually find obstacles to that success.

At this rate, limited conservative government is on a track to make government bigger than Nancy Pelosi's wildest dream. The last three presidents who did not grow the federal deficit over their terms? Clinton, Carter, and Lyndon Johnson. The last Republican to leave a balanced budget? Dwight Eisenhower, with a top marginal tax rate of 90% So much for the myth about Tax and Spend Liberals.

Deregulation of out Financial services has cost American taxpayers more in the last year than four and a half DECADES of Great Society entitlement programs. These same programs are much less responsible for the lack of two-parent homes in some communities than a failed policy of drug interdiction and incarceration.

Do I want police to deal with someone committing a crime? Sure. But drug laws such as New York's Harriman laws, and zero-tolerance policies have filled our prisons with many people who are fundamentally harmless and stimulated a violent and highly profitable black market. I will believe that race is not a factor in enforcement when the stoners in Dunwoody and Sandy Springs (affluent, predominately white Atlanta suburbs) do time in similar proportions to African-American and Latino offenders.

Everyone has the right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to. Conservatives do not have the right to use a public venue to require that others pray to the God of Conservative election. One also questions the appropriateness of God's name on currency, but He may actually be all that stands between the US and hyperinflation. Of course, quite a few Conservatives have the inability to see the similarities between Tim McVeigh, Eric Rudolph, Fred Phelps and Osama bin Laden.

The Greatest Americans of the last century were people of action and courage. The men and women who served us in World War II, represented by President John F. Kennedy. Those who risked being murdered by their compatriots for participating in the Civil Rights Movement, represented by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and Rosa Parks. And those who felt that it was America's responsibilty to live up to its promise for those marginalized by politics, language, class, and historical animosities, represented by Edward R. Murrow and Cesar Chavez.

As an entire class, the NASA program deserves mention before any motorbike. Any putz with enough cash can buy a bike. NASA is America at its best, literally going where no man had ever been.

Before suggesting that those in Florida were unable to decipher the 2000 butterfly ballot, one asks if there were steps that should have been in place to assure that it was clearly produced. Let's just blame Ralph Nader and go get a beer-Ralphie has been as bad for America as most Conservatives.

If one dislikes people soliciting donations in intersections, there's a great word called no, and it needs no translation into Spanish. The issue is that an unemployment rate of nearly ten per cent means that people who really do need assistance are in positions of begging with the chronically lazy. Which one of them is Jesus? He ain't the one in a US$40,000 SUV.

Illegal is only Illegal when judged by a court of law. What part of "innocent until proven guilty," do Conservatives not understand? Until then "Illegal" is slanderous/libelous and likely actionable in civil court. One hopes that someone from MALDEF gets Lou Dobbs with this one.

As far as Mr. Bad American's desire for only the American flag to fly in the United States, we share his enthusiasm. But before we invest ourselves in taking action against symbols of living nations, states, and territories which may have legitimate connection to ethnicity, we need to move against the only banner which was the standard that flew over an act of overt treason as defined by the United States Constitution: The Confederate Battle Flag.

God never left our country. We left Him and his lessons about love, mercy, and tolerance. We are free because of the brave who share the vow to uphold, protect and defend the United States Constitution.

Perhaps Mr. Bad American and his Conservative cohorts should try it sometime.