Gentoon Update!

To friends of The Wandering Gentile, and newbies alike. Please let us know what you like. Email is available in my profile. If you have stumbled upon us in the middle of the internet and like what you see, please please please say hello! Your Wandering Gentile promises that he does not in any way, shape or form intend to maim or maul either your psyche or person. (Promise does not necessarily apply to Governor Sarah Palin or Sean Hannity.)

Whither General Motors

It looks like GM may take a dirt nap, whether or not the US Government steps in. It may actually be in GM's better interest to auction off the trademarks of Chevrolet and Cadillac, and use that money to restructure under the GM banner.

There is tragedy, beyond the obvious ones of thousands upon thousands of displaced US manufacturing workers. GM is building some of the best cars they have ever made, some of which are more desirable than their competition.

This was not always the case with GM products, hence GM's dilemma.

Opels were marketed as being backed by the worldwide resources of General Motors. Most of those who owned Opels will recall them as being economical, fun-to-drive, and well made. Unfortunately, things wore out, parts and service were as nonexistent as if Opel were a defunct British manufacturer, and Opels became home automotive mechanics courses, regardless of the owner's aptitude or liking for grease.

Buick was the dealer body accountable for Opel in North America. In a fit of pique which may have been caused by a Buick manager urinating in John DeLorean's Froot Loops, German Opels were whisked out of the country like Bin Laden's relatives. Small car resources were diverted to the execrable Monza, and Buick dealers found themselves selling the substandard Opel/Isuzu.

Not that anything is good at Buick now, nor has there been for the last twenty years. If a line of doddering J. B. Hunt and Swift semi-trucks is doddering down a flat Interstate at a speed under their marginal governed maxima, led by a GM product, it is invariably a Buick. Buicks are capable of top speed, but their owners are convinced that it is 48 miles per hour.

The Saturn Ion is a car that works well on paper, but on the road it sucks. Larger, heavier and more softly suspended than the SL it replaced, it appears to have been engineered by ex-Trabant people heavily dosed with Ambien. Fit and finish, questionable styling, and the plastic body all come from the Trabant tradition. Mercifully, the Ion has been discharged.

GM has had issues with plastic cars in the past. The Pontiac Fiero was plastic. In its favor, the Fiero was handsomely styled and would get out of its own way on the three days per quarter when the V6 models ran. The only major issue was that most major United States insurance carriers had to add the term "spontaneous combustion" to their claims forms. Fiero Flambe ws a big part of the American motoring diet in the late eighties and early nineties.

The General thought so highly of the Fiero experience that they saw fit to recreate it in a Minivan, the Pontiac Trans Sport/Chevrolet Lumina APV. This van, like nothing else, screams of an individual who hangs out in front of a middle school wearing nothing but a raincoat and filling his digital camera with images of 14-year-old boys. That is, of course, providing that a dusty bit of headliner has not dislodged and wrapped itself about the driver's ears.

The headliner bonding process came about concurrently with the Cadillac Cimarron. The recipe was simple: Take one Chevy Cavalier, add Cadillac badges. Advertise as "driver's car," comparing Cimarron to something like a BMW or a Saab that an enthusiast might buy on purpose. Legions of American aficionados laughed themselves incontinent.

This was in an era when the General built all kinds of interesting-life cars designed for fuel economy.

Diesel Chevettes were so slow that the states of Ohio and Pennsylvania required an orange triangle on the back to avert them being rear-ended by the Amish. Larger cars powered by the Olds Diesel 35o were known for having engine failure while leaving the assembly line. And yes, there were Cadillacs with diesel engines. Talk about your "Standard of the World."

At least the Diesel 350 was better that the Cadillac 4100 V8-6-4, which attempted variable displacement before Katy Perry was even born. The only one that passed through my hands worked seamlessly. I was sixteen years old at the time, with a lead prosthetic where my right foot should have been. It never moved off "8" on the cheddary yellow display that told me how many cylinders were operating.

It brings us to the final nail in GM's coffin, the straw that breaks GM's back, the absolute worst car ever sold in North America, the Chevrolet Vega. There was nothing which could fail, fall off, rust, break, or generally act ornery that didn't.

The engines would overheat. Being a linerless, all-aluminum engine, after a catastrophic cooling failure, the head and the block mated like a pair of asymetrical Eggo waffles. If the engine was among the half which did not go Chernobyl in the first two years, it smoked. And it smoked. And it smoked some more.

A comparison with the Marlboro Man is inappropriate. The Marlboro Man had at least one horse.

There was a benefit to the smoke. The oil particles slowed rust on the rear third of the car long enough to get home and hit it with some more Bondo. To express this cars propensity for rusting would be incomplete without stating that it rusted on the showroom floor in Atlanta. Fiats had the good grace to get home before they started rusting.

Should the owner be among those fortunate enough to have his Vega survive long enough to require a clutch replacement, there was another little problem. The bellhousing was made of such soft metal that when the transmission was reinstalled, the bolts would strip the bellhousing.

A hundred miles later, the happy Vega owner would be retrieving his transmission from the middle of the road, where it fell out.

The vinyl in Vega interiors has been rumored to cause birth defects three generations later. The cardboard it was stapled to came from a cereal box. The outside door handles would break at will. Gearshifts and trim came adrift in the driver's hand.

Heck, the glove box latch broke the second time someone ever used it. And that describes a good Vega.

So with cars like this, how did GM manage to survive this long? The answer is easy.

Their domestic competition was worse.

Madam President

The question lingers about the nation's readiness for a female President.

As the United States has answered the question about the role of religion and race bearing upon qualification as commander-in-chief, the largest remaining barrier remains gender.

This is a question which verges upon the asinine. When the candidate offers an appropriate combination of confidence, competence and ideas which appeal to the majority of American voters, a woman will be elected president.

People who break barriers for elective office do not win without having a surfeit of talent. This was the downfall for Senator Clinton and Governor Palin in 2008. Failure had less to do with factors out of their control than it did with a pervasive image of neediness from Senator Clinton, and an overwhelming sense of Governor Palin's lack of preparedness.

Mrs Clinton had every advantage going into the 2008 presidential campaign. She had fifteen years on the national stage, a reputation as an effective lawmaker, and she was married to the last living President whose administration was considered successful. Clinton was holding the standard for a party resurgent owing to the opposition's bad decisionmaking.

The Republican party's bad decisions paled in comparison to Senator Clinton's. It took the Republicans five years to burn through the capital they brought to the table after 9/11. Senator Clinton had the Republican experience on the table and managed to burn through her political capital in five weeks, with people of her own party.

While issues were raised about President-elect Obama leveraging his race, some of it from former President Clinton, the correct assessment gets little play. Mr. Obama was the better candidate. His campaign was better organized. Obama's supporters brought more enthusiasm and generated better results.

However, one suspects that an opinion that no home is large enough for two presidents dwelled quietly in Bill Clinton's subconscious.

Until Republican Partisan Rush Limbaugh intervened and reinvigorated Hillary Clinton's campaign with his own fans and supporters, hoping to face Mrs. Clinton as a General Election candidate, her campaign was moribund. Mr. Limbaugh soon discovered that which did not destroy Obama just made him stronger.

Mrs. Clinton took advantage of arguments raised by Conservative talk to challenge Obama's character, while struggling to reclaim her front-runner status. This was a disaster for Republicans seeking a narrative change in October. This last desperate act of political gamespersonship, mated with a late-primary reference to the Robert Kennedy assassination likely cost Mrs. Clinton the Vice-presidential nomination as well.

Limbaugh's role in the 2008 campaign did not end by attempting to alter the Democratic race. He was also an early advocate of enlisting Sarah Palin as the Republican Vice-presidential nominee.

Note to Republican party: The next time Rush Limbaugh jumps, find out what from before following.

The Palin nomination briefly had the appearance of a good decision. She is a young, telegenic woman with experience as a State Chief Executive. The conservative base of her party was not enchanted with the moderate senior statesman nominated in spite of their best efforts to reclaim the party.

Mrs. Palin appears to have been ordered from ACME by one Mr. Wile E. Coyote, and mistakenly delivered to Senator McCain.

The Palin nomination seems a cynical attempt to reach out to disaffected Clinton supporters. Mrs. Palin, a former beauty pageant contestant and athlete, politically opposite to Senator Clinton, begins as an adversary. One could go as far as saying tormentor. It became a slap in the face, telling women that their looks and youth are more important than their intelligence and competence.

Mrs. Palin exuded poor preparation, arrogance, and defensiveness. There was a streak which voters regarded as blatant self-interest combined with an utter disregard for anyone not willing or able to advance her ambitions. Governor Palin may run again, but she is unlikely to advance in the primaries past Valentine's day.

The woman who wins the Presidency will be very dissimilar to either Senator Clinton or Governor Palin. She will be seen as a sister, a friend, someone who related well to the challenges of everyday americans. Her integrity, intellect, and preparation will be all but impossible to impugn for all but the most commited partisan. Those who dislike her will be forced to challenge her mainly on ideas, or declare that their feelings are personal. Her organizational skills will be stellar.

That person can be described in one word.

Oprah.

Gentoon Classics!

"They sold her brothers as meat. They raped her with a machine for her milk. She won't take it any more. MAD COW BLOODY VENGEANCE OF THE LIVESTOCK. Rated R-beef is very tasty. (Joke works in Spanish, crashes and burns in English.) MAD COW...BLOODY VENGEANCE OF THE LIVESTOCK is a collaborative production of the English Chicken Development Association, The British Fishing Council, and the United Kingdom Pork Products Congress, Ltd."

"Mr. Figueroa, the problem is that we're not looking for a corrupt ex-politician." Note: your Wandering Gentile served as inspiration for the bureaucrat behind the desk.

On dam: "Intervention and certification." On waterfall: "DRUGS" On raft: "Certified" Clinton: "With this dam we can stop the tide of drug traffic flooding the Americas." This is one of my two favorites from this little short thread. It looks the best, and works almost as well.

Fidel Castro: "I don't care how small it is! It must fall! Shoot it!" The kite is made of newspapers reporting about the Cuban military's decision to shoot down two small civil planes searching for rafters departing Cuba. Artistically, not as good as the above Clinton cartoon, emotionally light years ahead.

Pat Buchanan: "We dont want undocumented people taking our jobs nor receiving our benefits."

Unidentified Cholo: "And what about the land that you took from our people?"

Drawing Pat Buchanan as a fat Nazi with a bad comb-over strikes me as bad form now, mainly because it requires absolutely no imagination. The Cholo bothers me because he looks like a Mexican John Redcorn, which was absolutely not what I wanted to do.

All of these cartoons were originally published in a Spanish-language weekly in Atlanta in Spring, 1996.

Signs, Signs, Everywhere A Sign

Are we a nation in search of a label? It seems that half of the pundits are looking for a short definition of the political mood.

Apparently their thesauri are too replete with adjectives.

Democrats won the presidency with 52% of the popular vote, but a spectacular 67.7% of the electoral college. They won at least 57% of the Senate, and at least 58.9% of the House. By every metric, the United States of America has preferred Democratic candidates to the opposition in the Republican party.

One could infer that between fifty and sixty percent of Americans are either Democrats or supported Democratic candidates for major offices. There are people who disagree with interpreting the results in this fashion.

They are called Republicans, and like Democrats in the past, they insist that the tally must be incorrect because they, personally, knew NO ONE who voted for the opponent. In 1972, Republicans mocked those who said this about George McGovern as liberal elitists. Thirty-six years later, one questions the definition of those who knew no one voting for Obama.

Both groups were or are in need of something, and that something is a wider circle of friends.

The wider circle of friends is found closer to the political center. Because Democrats won the electon, the Center Left should be examined first.

The Center Left is much like the plot of Lethal Weapon 3. Everybody thinks they know what it is, but when pressed for the answer, it turns out that the response one gets turns out to be anything but the Center Left or Lethal Weapon 3.

Please bear inmind that this would be an awkward situation if there were a good description of the Center Right as the term is being used. Since November 4th, a flood of commentatators has come out with a statement along the lines of "well, a Democrat may have been elected, but America is still a Center Right country."

One begs pardon. If America is a Center Right country, wouldn't a Center Right candidate like John McCain have won?

Those who speak of the Center Right are like all those who speak of the center on their side: they are those who lost to the other side of the political spectrum in the last election. In other words, they are partisans who are so invested in strict ideological adherence that they are no longer able to functionally acknowledge that someone from their opposition could ever win. Partisans tend to be loud, and extremely paranoid. The ones on the right are also armed.

Partisanship will eventually go too far and cause problems for people with whom they have significant ideological overlap. Ralph Nader had sycophants inside the Carter administration, and a symbiotic relationship with Democrats until he stripped enough votes from Al Gore to make G. W. Bush president.

Those laughing about that on the right should be reminded that the last time a partisan fragged his own side, it was Ross Perot taking G. H. W. Bush down in 1992. Counterproductivity, thy name is partisanship.

The election was not close enough to have been won by trickery. It came down to which candidate ran the best campaign and connected his ideas best to the wants and needs of the American electorate.

Senator McCain's bravery and extraordinary sacrifice are compelling. No question exists that any American would hope to emulate McCain's courage if called. From privilege to prisoner and back, John McCain is synonymous for patriot.

Governor Palin resonated with those who only become empowered when others are excluded. The tolerant Center Right who had welcomed the candidacy of Senator McCain gave the Alaska Governor a chilly reception, and her performance on policy did not acquit her well. Mrs. Palin will long be remembered for talent insufficient for her ambition.

Vice-President-elect Joe Biden will be recognized for his competence, preparation, and perseverance. With regard for his charisma, well, is anyone exactly sure what he looks like?

President-elect Obama is defined as someone who finds triumph in impossible circumstances. No question lingers regarding his profound faith in the promise of the United States for all of its citizens. Barack Obama connected as definitively American with 52% of voters who are also by definition American.

No other adjective is necessary.

How Obama Owns Moderate Mantle

As we approach the little spoiler on the deck lid of the Bush administration, time has come to analyze and (one hopes) suggest how an Obama presidency solves three problems at the same time.

While many are concerned about the environment, few are really committed to the idea of sacrifice in the name of the environment. Hearing terms like Global Warming, Carbon Footprint, and Greenhouse Gas conjures of self-righteous, Prius-driving Lesbian Seagull Liberalism types who feel it is their business to pass judgement on others. Al Gore should be engaged as a surrogate for this group, because he is the President-for-life of this group.

The other 90 percent of us, which includes most of those who own Priuses, are better reached through another approach.

Germany has a functional mechanism for moving toward solar energy. The options are an oligarchical French model using nuclear power, centralizing power generating assets in the hands of established utility providers, and the German model which locates the same power generating assets, through a system of tax credits, closer to the consumer.

While the French system, with appropriate reprocessing of spent nuclear fuel, has a role in the overall picture of the American system, to make it central to our energy needs for the long term as proposed by Senator McCain is myopic. The German system is particularly suitable for the nature and culture of Americans.

Every time those things which were in the hands of a relatively small number of enterprises, transportation in the 1890s and information inthe 1980s being prime examples, and there is a rapid transfer of capacity and technology closer to the consumer, the United States economy booms. That needs to be remembered.

The idea of moving to solar begins with a call to the patriotism of Americans. Our greatest Presidents, FDR, JFK, Reagan, Clinton, leveraged the assets of government and the experience of publicly-funded science in the name of patriotism into enhanced living standards in this country. From the tools that came with the Manhattan Project, to the Internet, and even the greatest powdered orange drink ever, the Space Program's Tang, when Government gets down with science, Government actually gets it right!

The Devil is ice skating. Government gets nothing right which does not have absolutes that cannot be altered by the observers opinion.

The Nation begins by partnering with our experienced German allies. While our abilities will come up to speed rapidly, we can benefit by recognizing the Europeans' place on the learning curve and avoiding the pitfals that we can foresee. Adjustments and advancements suitable for the specifics of this continent can be ad-libbed when there is a plan in place of what needs to be one regardless.

The first step requires restarting idled manufacturing capacity for the production of solar panel generators. The idea which appears to work best is contracting with and established enterprise, such as Siemens or Bosch for the placement of solar generators on every square inch of federal rooftop in the country in two years.

We add a tax credit which offers the greatest rewards to early adopters of solar technology, and the technologies necessary to make a home a net energy producer. A consumer owned, individually managed computerized home energy consumtion/production monitoring system may be one option. The role of utilities would shift from energy generating to grid maintenance and technological research. The role of commercial electricity generation would not be eliminated, indeed much like the railroads, the ability would be to sell more to commercial users.

While the initial investment appears costly, the need for millions of people to manufacture, install, transport, maintain, warehouse, sell, and yes, eventually recycle solar panels will put millions on tax rolls, and move millions more up in tax bracket. The patriotic call to duty, which is already being answered in the heartland by windfarms and ethanol producers, is for Americans to start acting like Americans again, and become self-sufficient.

The victory garden of the challenges to face the Obama administration will be flanked by solar panels and vigiled by a home wind generator, a more productive option in parts of the country not blessed with prodigious, year-round sunlight. (We hear you, up in Vermont.)

In short order comes the bonus.

There will be a tipping point, where one can only guess, when enough Americans become net energy producers, that excess capacity not sold to neighbors in Canada and Mexico could be dedicated to something unfeasible right now like the electrolysis of seawater for hydrogen fuel cell vehicles. The resulting slurry could be mined for precious minerals, and those precious minerals could be used to restore the Dollar to a relationship backed by tangible wealth.

Yes, we're talking about reversing Bretton Woods, and taking a talking point away from Ron Paul voters in 2012. The value of the Dollar would skyrocket.

As we are able to share our technology with other nations, demand for petroleum would plummet. Our industrialized allies, and democratic neighbors would be the first to benefit, with American engineering and ingenuity finally replacing dirty energy production in the emerging nations of China, India, and Brazil.

This builds a situation which does not allow for the survival of despots Ahmadinedjad and Chavez. Russians are less able to take a belligerent stance with Europe and the Caucasus, when the ability to freeze them ceases to exist. This nation returns to a role of world leadership and regard that was all but destroyed by the excesses and incompetence of the Bush administration.

Let's see the results. Environment fixed. Economy booming. Strategic interests protected. Despots ruined. Affluence becoming contagious. It sounds like a winner to me.

President Obama, let's get started

A note to our friends.

A short time ago, your Wandering Gentile suggested that several figures shoud find their destiny as "screw those conservative douchebags." We fear that some of our readers may have found the terms to be inappropriate, or offensive, and may not have appreciated the satirical intent. Our objective was not to insult our fine readers in any way shape or form.

However, the hateful, screeching polemic of many conservative quasi-pundits deserves to be returned in kind, on the same level, in the same style. They are ill-equipped to receive the same taunting that they offer on a daily basis, hence the departure from the usual cheeky, yet erudite style which the Wandering Gentile's admirers have come to know and sort of like.

It is unlikely to happen again.

Gil.

Is Everybody Happy?

Something Good Happened Last Night.

Today this is a better America.

We are better for having elected Mr. Obama president.

We are better in knowing that this great nation belongs to all of its citizens, not just a plurality.

We are better in knowing that a majority of voters were not compelled by fearmongering and divisiveness.

We are better in knowing that in January we face the rebirth of our nation, with tabula rasa.

We are better in seeing that now matter how crazy something sounds, it can be done.

Our hand must be extended to Senator McCain. While there were those around him who did not act in a way which appeals to the better angels of our nature, the Senior Senator from Arizona acted consistently as a Gentleman and truly exemplary of what our nation expects of its finest.

Godspeed, Lieutenant Commander McCain. Your life and service to this nation serve as an outstanding example of devotion and genuine patriotism. We hope that in spite of our disagreements, our lives may serve to reflect our love for this nation as as yours has so eloquently.

And to President-elect Barack Obama, your supporters have seen you as an agent for change. We have thirsted for optimism for many years. And we are grateful for the renewed sense of purpose we have found within ourselves through our involvement with this history-making campaign.

The hard work starts soon. There will be days when we disagree, and there will be days when we flat out wonder what the other is thinking. This is as it must be in all healthy relationships.

But for the moment, the honeymoon shall be sweet and passionate.

Unfair And Imbalanced

Republicans are losing it, and it's a blast to watch.

Very few of us are happy about the way the McCain campaign is being run, but the style book belongs to Karl Rove, and was written by Lee Atwater. However, the Republican party doesn't realize that the magic in that style book was pretty much kaput long about the time the papers covering the 2004 election turned yellow.

Just for those of you who are under the misguided illusion that Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin are actual journalists, here is a little bit of how the propaganda works. (Indeed, your Wandering Gentile has more formal training in journalism than Limbaugh and Hannity, combined.)

Screw those Conservative douchebags. Your Wandering Gentile is PROUDLY PROGRESSIVE!

Socialist- Democrat. Any mechanism which does not enrich the upper one percent of the population is automatically badged with this. Unfortunately, this has been a little bit too successful, and there has been a tremendous transfer of wealth from the lower 99 percent to the upper one percent over the last, say, twenty years or so, removing leverage from those not in the upper percentile.

Socialist- Any form of collective behavior. Not all collective behavior is socialist, nor is all socialist behavior collective. There are points when collective behavior is justified, and protects the interests of its membership. There are practices accepted by capitalists-insurance comes immediately to mind, as does the military, where a broader interest is served by spreading risk and accountability among a larger group.

Amnesty- Any attempt by persons who have been excluded from applying for legal residency by an unjust and overreaching law to legitimize their status, or participate in capitalism. Very popular term for persons with tiny genitals/breasts discomfited by the occasional "Collectible" Ford Pickup playing rancheras by Los Violadores de Chihuahuas.

"The rule of law" - Amazingly unfair when applied to persons who act upon their approval for vigilantism on the U.S.-Mexico border; polygamists who marry middle schoolers in western Texas; commit acts of violence against abortion clinics; display Nazi/Confederate secessionist imagery in inappropriate places; or discriminate against nonwhite job applicants...

Reverse Racist- Any person not of northern European ancestry who dares to assert that the concerns found in his heritage are part of the American experience, and worthy of reflection and contemplation.

Agent of the Homosexual Agenda- Any person who feels that Gay americans are deserving of rights equal to those of straight americans in their private relationships. Automatic suspicion of dressing in a "Babette the leather person" outfit and marching in a Greenwich Village GLBT pride parade.

Anti-Christian- Catholic or non-Evangelical Protestant a/k/a Mainstream Protestant denomination.

Liberal- Has moved far enough to the right to encompass John McCain and George W. Bush.

Conservative- Slightly more tolerant, but as authoritarian as Hitler.

Communist- Just left of center, as compared to an authoritarian economic system characterized by government ownership of all property and management of all production.

(Has heart attack, keels over, dies.)- What happens if a Conservative actually encounters a real Communist, i.e., Hugo Chavez, Cindy Sheehan,