A Modest Press Conference

“Good afternoon.

“After several weeks of quiet negotiation, Congress, the South Carolina Legislature and I have come to terms on legislation which will formally separate the State of South Carolina from the United States of America.

“The separation will become official at midnight on October first. The state of South Carolina will henceforth be recognized as The Libertarian Republic of South Carolina.

“I have spoken with ad-hoc President Sanford about the steps which will be necessary to make South Carolina’s transition to an independent nation as smooth and transparent as possible.

“The United States of America will continue a partnership with South Carolina in certain defensive capacities, much like we share with many of our allies throughout the world. Similarly, South Carolina will continue to use the United States Dollar as a de facto currency until their new banking system, and currency, the Thurmond, become operational.

“Ad-hoc President Sanford and I have established a program where those residing in other states who wish to relocate to South Carolina will be able to participate in an exchange with South Carolinians who prefer to remain loyal to the United States of America.

“Homeowners and renters in both jurisdictions will be paired with people of similar means to exchange their domiciles in a one-to-one swap. Significant populations in Georgia, Florida, North Carolina, and Texas have expressed their support for plans for South Carolina’s independence and willingness to support the new nation.

“It is the ambition of this administration to assist those wishing to cooperate in South Carolina’s business-centered, privately administered, low tax experiment.

“No doubt exists in my mind that the Government of South Carolina will continue the tradition of Human and Civil Rights established while one of the United States. However, some minority citizens have stated their apprehension about the future of those standards.

“In order to assuage some of those fears, we have taken these extraordinary steps to guarantee that those not comfortable with South Carolina’s experiment will be able to remain under the jurisdiction of the United States.

“Likewise, the most sensitive defensive technologies currently located in South Carolina will be relocated with other Federal assets to other states. Most of the structure will be consolidated within the states of North Carolina, Georgia, and Florida.

“South Carolina’s financial system will cease its association with the FDIC, FSLIC, and SEC on January 1, 2010. Accountholders in South Carolina will be expected to have accounts in South Carolina-based institutions by that time.

“Current participants in Social Security, Medicare, and the Veterans Administration systems will be transferred as appropriate to analogous private systems in South Carolina.

“Several members of our corporate community have already exhibited enthusiasm for the prospect of the new South Carolinian nation. While we are saddened to see some of our old friends opt for the new country instead of the United States, we remain bullish on the prospects for opportunities in this great nation.

“To South Carolina, we wish you Godspeed. Although a separation may be painful for us, we thank you for your contribution to the United States, and hope for your continued success as a neighbor and an ally. I will now open the floor for questions. Helen?”

“Helen Thomas, Hearst News Service. Mr. President, was this decision based upon Representative Wilson’s outburst during your address to Congress on September ninth?”

“Not at all. Let me say that after hearing some of our friends speak about some of their concerns about the role of the Federal government during our debates over health care, I was moved by their passion and sincerity.

“I spoke with then-Governor Sanford about developing a mechanism where those who disagreed with our vision of the public sector’s role would have a place to realize their vision of limited government and privately-based solutions. South Carolina was the best possible location- geographically and demographically- to provide such an option for those who felt dissatisfied with the United States under my administration.

“To my conservative friends who felt as if we were not living up to their expectations, they asked for ‘their’ country back. There is now a country which may hew closer to their values. I would call that a positive outcome for both sides of the discussion.”