Birthright? You Don't Need No Stinking Birthright!

The societal subculture of individuals who insist that President Obama was not born in the United States has gone off the deep end. These people would be quite amusing if they were not serious. The "Birthers" now appear to be running down an arterial thoroughfare wearing nothing but very small minds protected by a set of My Favorite Martian rabbit ears.

Where have you gone Mojo Nixon? (Ans.: Satellite Radio, natch.)

The whole Birther movement is a blessing for pretty much anyone not questioning Obama's birth. there are plenty of good reasons why. The primary reason is that Birthers lose credibility every time their lips move, even when reading. Many overlap with some or all of the most bizarre myths and urban legends of the last ten years.

10: Republicans are the party of smaller government and lower taxes. What do OSHA, the EPA, AMTRAK, and the national 55mph speed limit have in common? All were signed into law by Conservative Republican Richard Nixon. What do the last balanced budget and the return of speed limits to state control have in common? All were signed into law by Liberal Democrat Bill Clinton. Don't even get me started on the expansions of government wrought between George W. Bush and a Republican congress: there aren't enough bytes.

9. Canadian Single Payer health care doesn't work. This is true...in BUFFALO. Aside from a few anecdotes on talk radio from people with suspiciously non-Canadian accents, the majority (54%) characterize their health care as "excellent." Over 33% of the population would consider their health care "good." That leaves less than 13 % to say "fair" or "poor." In the United States there are 16% with "No Opinion" because they don't have any health care.

8. Elvis is alive. This one is the most plausible, but he's now laid off as a result of the Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas going into foreclosure. The last reported sighting was in the dumpster behind a taqueria west of the 15, last Thursday.

7. Right-wing talk hosts speak for their audiences. This is partially true. The audiences they speak for are the advertisers hawking questonable investments, inferior legal services, and talleywhacker pills. The people listening are only paying Limbaugh's 40 million a year second hand.

6. Rasslin' is real. If one considers fitness and choreography, that is real. One certainly would be disinclined to a dark-alley rendezvous with an irate John Cena. But Rasslin' is ballet's poor cousin, living in manufactured housing. It's where gym denizens with poor acting skills can earn a living. Gym denizens who are tolerable actors often move on to become unpopular governors. (Jesse Ventura, Arnold Schwarzenegger.)

5. Republicans have their priorities straight. A suburban Atlanta county has found a million dollars in its budget to prosecute 287(g), the law Joe Arpaio uses to harass latinos in Phoenix. This is while facing a budget shortfall which has pulled 100 front-line public safety personnel off the streets, stressed the county schools to the breaking point, and closed parks and libraries, One hopes that the county commission will be on the unemployment line at the next election, along with the Sheriff.

4. The moon landings were fake. One would think that after 40 years somebody could come up with the contractors and location for the elaborate soundstage necessary, were this credible. One appreciates the challenge of strapping three men to a giant bottle rocket guided by less brain power than a '96 Plymouth Voyager. However, the moon is a pretty big target. Stop messing with astronauts and we won't send Hillary Clinton to get you in a black helicopter.

3. Deregulation is a tool for prosperity. This is true if one is either Goldman, Sachs, Merrill or Lynch. If one owns a home in Vegas, LA, Phoenix or Florida, even if one played by the rules, behaved responsibly, and only bought what was affordable, then they just got the short end of the greatest transfer of wealth in the history of mankind. Much more of this and the queue for the Ambassador Bridge will start in Findlay, Ohio.

2. American Families should be more like the Waltons and less like the Simpsons. Let's see, where would I rather live, an all-white, depression community in Appalachia, or the prosperous Clinton-era Springfield, USA??? D'OH!

1. America was a better place in the fifties. Not really, it was just different. Paranoid drunk Joe McCarthy made a mockery of the constitution. Some communities were denied the full leverage of their franchise. It was great if one was a white conservative protestant, but there wasn't room for some of the more demonstrative iterations of protestantism seen today, either.

Oh, but the music! Chuck Berry, Little Richard, Fats Domino...all denied accomodation in hotels and restaurants nationwide. Apparently they did not have the long form birth certificate to prove to the owner's satisfaction that they indeed were born in the United States.