The Conundrum

An automobile executive once said, "...you can sell a young man's car to a young man, you can sell a young man's car to an old man, but you can't sell an old man's car to anybody."

With great irony, your Wandering Gentile notes that this quote was attributed to a General Motors executive, who was, presumably executed and disposed of in the St. Clair River. The idea is also applicable to politics. And this is where the Republican Party is failing miserably.

It could be suggested that the McCain campaign is being run by the Three Stooges, but that would be unfair to the Stooges. They were way more competent than the McCain campaign. The only thing that has not happened to the McCain campaign is the public announcement of the Straight Talk Express' new pilot, Steveland Morris, better known as Stevie Wonder.

McCain is due some of the blame. That's smart, challenging a man who is characterized by spectacular interpersonal skills, to go spend a week talking to people overseas who are as to yet unfamiliar with him. Begging the Gentle Reader's pardon, but every time Senator Obama opens his mouth, people melt. Even Republicans.

What exactly did they expect to happen? Did the McCain campaign expect Obama's charm to become inert at the border? Perhaps they would have been better advised to wait for the junior Senator from Illinois to turn white, or George W. Bush to discover grammar.

If one were to stand in Senator McCain's shoes, one would be in need of the following advice...SHUT UP. Stop asking Obama to do things. Every time McCain suggests that Obama do something, dear Lord, it backfires like an ACME contraption in the hands of Wile E. Coyote.

Honestly, if it were not so sad, it would be hilarious.

A few Democrartic partisans are laughing. This is not a case of GHW Bush barfing on a Japanese official, which was funny on a Beavis and Butthead level. This is a case of a man with distinguished service to his country collapsing upon himself. Tom Tancredo deserves to be humiliated, but one fears that the humiliation will be visited upon Senator McCain.

A short analysis here. McCain is the best candidate the Republicans have offered since Reagan. Obama may be the best Democratic candidate, ever. The Senator from Arizona is a fine man who deserved a better fate than facing a man whose face will eventually, hopefully dozens of years from now, be on money. And there is not a blessed thing Senator McCain can do about it, which really sucks for him.

The problem is not so much with John McCain the man, as it is with the Republican party. There is the fear that all of the things that the Viet Cong put McCain's body through will catch up with him. We understand that his mum is 96. She also was not tortured in the Hanoi Hilton, which means that McCain's Vice-Presidential choice is that much more crucial.

Should he pick Romney or another person palatable to the party's establishment, it's over. Any establishment figure is Bush-whacked. Experience is instantly disputable with the question "So, you like the way things are going in your life???" Inexperience becomes a greenhorn backed by the party most Americans believe to be responsible for the fix the country is in.

Nope, McCain's screwed.

It will all cave in at the debate. McCain, for lack of a better description is, well, diminutive. One of the results of his torture is that his posture and movement appear to be without grace, making him seem infirm. And the Irish ancestry makes him pale, too blamed pale, hell, translucent. And, yes, Senator McCain is quite old, and he has a squeaky voice compared to Obama.

The last thing McCain wants is a debate. Here we have a man who, when standing next to Obama, will look like a demented Leprecauhn. All he needs is the derby and pipe to look like the mascot for the Boston Celtics, next to a tall, young, vibrant man with a deep voice and athletic posture.

The question is not whether Obama will win, merely if he will become fatigued during the whipping that appears to be imminent.

No one believes that McCain is oblivious to the fate approaching him and his party in November. Indeed, Senator McCain appears to be enjoying himself immensely, and one suspects that on some level he doesn't really care. It would be disingenuous, and disrespectful to suggest that McCain has no clue of the nature and strength of his opponent. McCain understands Sun Tzu better than that.

As opposed to the current occupant of the White House, who thinks Sun Tzu is "one o' them wrankly Chinese dawgs."

The fall promises to be entertaining, and Senator McCain is likely to fade, not as Bob Dole into a bitter retirement, but with a performance that will allow him to exit gracefully. McCain will be best as a candidate by not only speaking his mind, but by dumping the advisors who temper his native responses and wit for political convenience.

At this moment, McCain gains nothing from a party-operated campaign. It is now his chance to tell the world what he thinks without a filter, without prejudice, without a net, and without fear. His only hope is to ditch the Party and come to the par-tay.

A campaign like that becomes the last, best hope for Republicans in 2008. But the Republicans are the party that chose Bush over McCain in 2000. They know better. That's how their leadership and stewardship of the nation has made them so popular.

If Obama gets all 535 Electoral College votes, does he get a bonus, or a playoff or something like that?