Why So Formal, Baldy?

After a few days of more feedback than usual, the title above came through in an e-mail from a Gentle Reader. Why so formal, Baldy, indeed. There are things which deserve a bit of protocol. Even for a writer whose bent is humorous, certain steps must be taken.

First and foremost, one must offer the reader an experience featuring a command of language. Particularly when the writer is an awful typist, dominion over grammar, vocabulary, spelling and punctuation can at least alleviate issues related to clumsiness with the keyboard. It is a courtesy that indicates that the writer takes the quality of his work seriously.

When communicating with a Gentle Reader, one is obligated to exhibit a bit of formality and decorum, provided that there has not been some kind of vulgar or profane affront to your Wandering Gentile. At the point of a vulgar or profane affront, the GLOVES COME OFF. Of course, we had the last laugh as the last person who tried that was attempting to defend the indefensible, i.e., Sarah Palin's benefit to the McCain campaign.

The writer is first and foremost a servant of both the idea and the reader. His role is to connect the idea and the reader. The road is paved with vocabulary. Spelling puts lines on the pavement and punctuation hangs the signs. Grammar opens a second carriageway in the event that an idea gets out of control and jackknifes.

The idea is to stand apart from not only one's competitors and friendly rivals, but to establish a marked difference in content and quality from the questionable and just plain inferior.

The questionable must be addressed quickly. One imagines a quick Googling of "questionable thematic elements of opinion writing" would instantly cough up the entire body of writing by Michelle Malkin and Ann Coulter. These are very able and competent writers who happen to be wrong about everything.

Competence is what makes the questionable dangerous. The questionable is phrased competently and thus earns credibility. There is a yawning chasm in the realm of ideas between the George Wills and Thomas Friedmans and (heck, let's just combine them, they're probably composed by a committee in Stillwater, OK, anyway...)Moulter.

The questionable apes the tone of authentic conservatism, and adds the paranoia of a hillbilly on the edge of a meth overdose. Conspiracies and cabals hide in the questionable with the specter of Karl Rove holding Black Helicopter puppets just out of the reach of the toothless masses who have suckled at this teat.

The only good news about the questionable is that some of that audience can be salvaged with a bit of education and inclusion of Univision on their basic cable packages. We hillbllies do like our latinas with big hooties, which inspires hope for comprehensive immigration reform. Mrs. Wandering Gentile has noticed an uptick in attention to her breasts since moving to Georgia.

The just plain inferior is something altogether worse. Periodically, some cretin feels that he has the skills to add something to discourse and posts something in very large print to justify a fear that his way of life is about to vaporize. Invariably lacking sources, the second goal is conflating immigration with terrorism, or the pretext that persons from outside the United States are invariably treated better than citizens.

Either way, the ideas come from other hack sites as sources (when offered at all), and attempt to link the enjoyable with support for a weak thesis. Usually no source exists, thus giving credence to the idea that all anecdotes and numbers are PURE FICTION.

Frankly, if this is what informal gets, one hopes to be insulted by the incompetent. It becomes a complement. Thus, one elects formality. It is the best way to maintain integrity.

It is a commdity that cannot be purchased at any price.