Okay, this post is a little bit off-message, but there are a few people who deserve a Wandering Gentile Slap Upside The Head, and right quick.
Reverend Jeremiah Wright. Slap! For throwing Obama under the bus. All the Rev had to say was that his opinions are his own and not representative of the Obama campaign. How many people have a close friend who tends to shoot his mouth off? (Answer, everybody has at least one.) Instead of pulling the heat off his friend's backside, he clams up. What a guy.
Sean Hannity. Slap! He is no more tolerant than Reverend Wright. With any luck, somebody will dig up some of his less tolerant rants from his days at WGST in Atlanta, and blast them across the Internet. Let's see how well he does with GLAAD riding his tail and the NAACP waiting for the remains. If you think Imus was fireworks, this is a nuke.
People who ride solo in too-clean crew-cab pickup trucks. Slap! A too-clean pickup is the biggest alarm-bell that the driver is, well, a chronic masturbator. It's a work vehicle, for God's sake! Meanwhile, there are nine guys who actually work for a living crammed into an '82 Dodge Aries station wagon. There is something fundamentally wrong with this. (Bonus slaps for red Dodge Ram duallies or 4-wheel-drives, not using turn signals, or passing REAL trucks on the right just before a construction zone.)
Honda Civic Automatic Enthusiast Posers! Slap! Nobody who knows a blessed thing about cars puts a coffee-can exhaust on a four-cylinder automatic. It just sounds stupid, and those of us who are enthusiasts can tell what kind of transmission you have, instantly. Fortunately, anyone in a halfway operational minivan will show you his taillights at the next signal...probably without trying.
Satellite Radio Advertisers. Slap! I am not in need of topical male enhancement, erectile dysfunction remedies, incorporating in Nevada or Delaware, or an awning hawked by a henpecked wuss and the shrew who insists, "...tell them about the discount, Haaarrry!" If I were in the market for an awning, I would cheerfully pay extra for an awning that includes a DVD of the manufacturer beating Haaarrry and his rampalian wretch of a companion, soundly, with a very large toaster oven.
The Idiot in Tallahassee responsible for Orlando's Expressways. Slap! Orlando is the perfect storm. You have every minivan from the Northeast, every RV from the Midwest, every transportation terminal for the middle of the fourth most-populous state in the country, two million non-native residents, and any cretin with a driver's license and limit on his credit card from anywhere in the world, all headed to the one free road. Then the sky opens up and the bottom falls out at 1:45 every afternoon. What are you people smoking? It doesn't appear to come from R. J. Reynolds.
NBA Bigwigs. Slap! Every year, some sub-.500 team pops up in the playoffs. While we're at it, would somebody please sell the Clippers to an owner who cares? The NBA has a tradition of plopping teams in cities unable to support a third McDonalds...Burlington, Vermont, welcome to the major leagues! Oh yeah, one last thing...what's nine months long and excruciating at the end? The NBA playoffs! Everybody makes the cut except the Clippers and Chattanooga.
NFL Bigwigs. Slap! Jacksonville, Florida, has an NFL franchise and Los Angeles doesn't? Holy smoke, now that I think of it, Atlanta doesn't have a pro football team, either. How much will we have to pay Los Angeles to take the Falcons? That's what I thought...there isn't enough money on the planet to get another city to take the Falcons.
George Steinbrenner. Slap! With great gusto from Red Sox Nation, on general principles. By the way, George, did A-Rod use any lubricant? How about Torre? No, steroids are not butt grease.
Okay, I was going to do one about Vice-President Cheney here, but, I had no good way to work in the following: Pay no attention to the man with his arm up the President's (behind).
Bless it, your Wandering Gentile is starting to cheer up.
22 March 2008
06 March 2008
A Brief Primer of Political Terms and Phrases
Children- This is going to cost a lot, and anyone who dares to disagree is going to look like the lead pervert in one of those sexual predator sting programs.
Social- Did I forget to add the suffix -ism? My bad.
Safety- We're adding US$3,000 of hardware and 500 pounds to your car because there are people too stupid to drive sober or buckle a seat belt.
Security- A 12 foot wall engenders a 14 foot ladder, but my butt is covered.
Mandatory Universal Health Care- Does anyone else envision a Republican tapping another "Brownie" to administer this program at some point down the road? No? Great!
The People Have Spoken- My public sodomization was just emceed by Wolf Blitzer, and now I have to praise the individual who just sodomized me.
Illegal Immigration- A way of blaming those uncovered by an unjust law for the very same unjust law. It's like blaming Rosie O'Donnell for not looking good in a thong designed to fit Jessica Alba.
Opposed to Amnesty- The idea that putting ten million taxpayers on the rolls is somehow more costly to the nation than rounding up ten million people and forcing them out of the country.
Family- Appealing to Evangelical Christians.
Urban- Appealing to minorities.
Our Valiant Allies- Those foreign idiots.
My Opponent- The egg-sucking dog at the other dais.
We will continue this fight- I'm screwed.
The struggle must go on- You're screwed.
You're doing a great job- You incompetent twit.
We must start paying our teachers better- It sounds good, but when has any politician ever followed through on this one? Get real.
To enhance safety on our highways- If I really cared about safety on our highways, I would enact a law to pay truckers by the hour, instead of by the mile.
Pro-Choice- A woman has the right to taxpayer money to do what she wants with her body, but if a taxpaying business owner chooses to allow someone to light a Marlboro indoors, she's coming with a fire hose to put it out.
Pro-Life- A child conceived by a man of a fifth grader's dimensions (and intellect) and a woman who looks like a pallet of cottage cheese in a purple Wal Mart muumuu is miraculously going to turn that trailer into the home of Ward and June Cleaver.
We must curb violence and sexuality in the media- In Toronto, The Sopranos are on free broadcast television. In Atlanta, a city of similar metropolitan population, the same program is banned as provoking violence in children. Guess which place has a lower street crime rate.
Racist- The idea that insensitive comments are somehow more worthy of media attention than a genocide in Darfur.
So that's what they mean.
Social- Did I forget to add the suffix -ism? My bad.
Safety- We're adding US$3,000 of hardware and 500 pounds to your car because there are people too stupid to drive sober or buckle a seat belt.
Security- A 12 foot wall engenders a 14 foot ladder, but my butt is covered.
Mandatory Universal Health Care- Does anyone else envision a Republican tapping another "Brownie" to administer this program at some point down the road? No? Great!
The People Have Spoken- My public sodomization was just emceed by Wolf Blitzer, and now I have to praise the individual who just sodomized me.
Illegal Immigration- A way of blaming those uncovered by an unjust law for the very same unjust law. It's like blaming Rosie O'Donnell for not looking good in a thong designed to fit Jessica Alba.
Opposed to Amnesty- The idea that putting ten million taxpayers on the rolls is somehow more costly to the nation than rounding up ten million people and forcing them out of the country.
Family- Appealing to Evangelical Christians.
Urban- Appealing to minorities.
Our Valiant Allies- Those foreign idiots.
My Opponent- The egg-sucking dog at the other dais.
We will continue this fight- I'm screwed.
The struggle must go on- You're screwed.
You're doing a great job- You incompetent twit.
We must start paying our teachers better- It sounds good, but when has any politician ever followed through on this one? Get real.
To enhance safety on our highways- If I really cared about safety on our highways, I would enact a law to pay truckers by the hour, instead of by the mile.
Pro-Choice- A woman has the right to taxpayer money to do what she wants with her body, but if a taxpaying business owner chooses to allow someone to light a Marlboro indoors, she's coming with a fire hose to put it out.
Pro-Life- A child conceived by a man of a fifth grader's dimensions (and intellect) and a woman who looks like a pallet of cottage cheese in a purple Wal Mart muumuu is miraculously going to turn that trailer into the home of Ward and June Cleaver.
We must curb violence and sexuality in the media- In Toronto, The Sopranos are on free broadcast television. In Atlanta, a city of similar metropolitan population, the same program is banned as provoking violence in children. Guess which place has a lower street crime rate.
Racist- The idea that insensitive comments are somehow more worthy of media attention than a genocide in Darfur.
So that's what they mean.
What does it all mean?
For those in the Clinton camp who are planning their grand Obama rout, one would be well advised to wait. Senator Clinton is, to borrow a term from The Simpsons' Krusty the Clown, death; a long, slow painful death.
If one goes in search of grand divergence in policy between Clinton and Obama, there is none. The two candidates parallel like a freeway. The disparity in the two is better related in the form of approach.
Mrs. Clinton fails in the same way that Air America did. She articulates her grand solutions in terms of policy with the opinions of D-list bureaucrats. Air America died from trying to provide a commercial version of NPR; we are supposed to swallow a remedy before were are given a diagnosis.
Obama, however, takes his lessons from success. The success of progressives in this election cycle owes less to ideas than it does to presentation. Conservative discourse has been successful because it is good radio. Obama has been able to connect his agenda to the vast population in the middle because he has been able to express his diagnosis with a clear regimen for cure.
Mrs Clinton, the middle regrets to inform you that your candidacy, like Generalissimo Francisco Franco, is still dead.
In primaries open to all comers in Texas and Ohio the Clinton campaign catches fire after Limbaugh and Coulter encourage cross-aisle voting? Wow, Santa came early to Chappaqua! There is no way for a rational person to be convinced that somebody from the Conservative side was not up to didos in those two primaries.
The belief that Clinton managed to reconnect in light of Limbaugh's encouragement is at best disingenuous. Clinton's tacit acceptance is evidence of ambition that is less concerned with the future of her party and her country than it is of self-aggrandizement and the horrible neediness of someone who must win at all costs.
One accepts that Mrs. Clinton suffered with her husband's philandering. One is also aware that she is also willing to surrender her dignity as a trade for access to political power, with a frantic thirst for authority. There are terms from the gutter to describe a similar quid pro quo re dignity for position.
Fundamentally, the most disturbing part of the discussion is that while Clinton was pressuring Senator Obama for a denunciation of Farrakhan, she made no corresponding point about Limbaugh. While Limbaugh is a very talented entertainer and pundit, he has been more harmful to the interests of progressives and Democrats than he could have been as an overt bigot. Indeed, being ostensibly tolerant, Limbaugh brings the authority of reason.
This raises a huge question of integrity that has perennially haunted the Clintons. Hillary has been significantly less than forthcoming in the realm of disclosure and transparency. While she thrusts an accusatory finger at Obama's relationship with Tony Rezko in Illinois, we are supposed to forget Whitewater, Travelgate, the Rose Law Firm, Vince Foster, the board of Wal Mart, and the Chinese.
There is no question that Obama's relationship with Rezko is hinky, but Senator Clinton has zero wiggle room when it comes to questions of integrity. She does not need to open this keg of rattlesnakes. Hillary is not Baptist enough to come out of this one without getting bit...Huckabee maybe, but not Hillary. She's a Methodist.
Moving to the point of integrity, what happens when John McCain asks the same questions? At the moment when Hillary Clinton hems and haws about a question of her integrity, McCain only has to show the famous film where he refuses liberty from the Hanoi Hilton until all of the captives are released. Game, set, match, tournament, and the next four years go to John McCain.
McCain has much more authority on matters of national security compared to a similar voting record to Clinton's. What she brings to the table is a complete lack of credential on military matters, and the double whammy of annoying the bases of both parties. What a disaster.
Then, as discussed earlier, the Clinton campaign brings the stink of illegitimacy as a nominee. That is all the Democratic party needs, another generation of disillusioned young voters now susceptible to Republican rhetoric, compounded with an African-American constituency under the impression of being disenfranchised. This stinks like a truckload of mercury-tainted tuna jackknifed on the Jersey Turnpike in high summer.
On the economy, Clinton does not fare any better. Love NAFTA or hate it, she seems to be curiously absent when it comes to her having any role. Here exists yet another vacilation of political expediency. The voter is expected to count Mrs. Clinton's tenure as first lady as experience, except that she has no accountability for any decisions made between 1993 and 2001. If this makes any sense to anyone, medication is available to treat Schizophrenia and Psychosis these days.
The Clinton campaign is expecting voters to disregard the disconnects between the record-and the record. While Obama does not have the same amount of time in public service as Mrs. Clinton, he does offer an advantage of consistency in rhetoric and remarkable skill as a communicator and motivator. Obama is right to question Clinton's judgement, as it seems diaphanous and capricious in the extreme.
A Clinton nomination will give votes to the most consistent Democrat on the ballot.
John McCain of Arizona.
WILLIAM F. BUCKLEY 1925-2008
With sadness one notes upon the passing of Mr. Buckley last week. He was not only the godfather of the Conservative movement that brought Reagan to power, he was also a role model for those of us who endeavor to inform and entertain through the written word.
From God and Man at Yale, through National Review and a litany of novels and newspaper columns, Buckley challenged and shaped the discourse of two generations.
Whether or not one agreed with Buckley, he was emblematic of the witty and genteel debate that harks to the traditions of British Parliament, in a uniquely American tableau. His urbane charisma and mastery of language brought debate up to approach his level, as opposed to the modern form that relies primarily upon volume and demagoguery in search of the lowest common denominator.
While his detractors happily derided him as a pompous purveyor of polysyllabic political punditry, he earned reverential treatment from his opponents. An epicurean of language and thought, Buckley was a worthy and powerful contributor to the pantheon of American letters, whose gifts will be sorely missed.
If one goes in search of grand divergence in policy between Clinton and Obama, there is none. The two candidates parallel like a freeway. The disparity in the two is better related in the form of approach.
Mrs. Clinton fails in the same way that Air America did. She articulates her grand solutions in terms of policy with the opinions of D-list bureaucrats. Air America died from trying to provide a commercial version of NPR; we are supposed to swallow a remedy before were are given a diagnosis.
Obama, however, takes his lessons from success. The success of progressives in this election cycle owes less to ideas than it does to presentation. Conservative discourse has been successful because it is good radio. Obama has been able to connect his agenda to the vast population in the middle because he has been able to express his diagnosis with a clear regimen for cure.
Mrs Clinton, the middle regrets to inform you that your candidacy, like Generalissimo Francisco Franco, is still dead.
In primaries open to all comers in Texas and Ohio the Clinton campaign catches fire after Limbaugh and Coulter encourage cross-aisle voting? Wow, Santa came early to Chappaqua! There is no way for a rational person to be convinced that somebody from the Conservative side was not up to didos in those two primaries.
The belief that Clinton managed to reconnect in light of Limbaugh's encouragement is at best disingenuous. Clinton's tacit acceptance is evidence of ambition that is less concerned with the future of her party and her country than it is of self-aggrandizement and the horrible neediness of someone who must win at all costs.
One accepts that Mrs. Clinton suffered with her husband's philandering. One is also aware that she is also willing to surrender her dignity as a trade for access to political power, with a frantic thirst for authority. There are terms from the gutter to describe a similar quid pro quo re dignity for position.
Fundamentally, the most disturbing part of the discussion is that while Clinton was pressuring Senator Obama for a denunciation of Farrakhan, she made no corresponding point about Limbaugh. While Limbaugh is a very talented entertainer and pundit, he has been more harmful to the interests of progressives and Democrats than he could have been as an overt bigot. Indeed, being ostensibly tolerant, Limbaugh brings the authority of reason.
This raises a huge question of integrity that has perennially haunted the Clintons. Hillary has been significantly less than forthcoming in the realm of disclosure and transparency. While she thrusts an accusatory finger at Obama's relationship with Tony Rezko in Illinois, we are supposed to forget Whitewater, Travelgate, the Rose Law Firm, Vince Foster, the board of Wal Mart, and the Chinese.
There is no question that Obama's relationship with Rezko is hinky, but Senator Clinton has zero wiggle room when it comes to questions of integrity. She does not need to open this keg of rattlesnakes. Hillary is not Baptist enough to come out of this one without getting bit...Huckabee maybe, but not Hillary. She's a Methodist.
Moving to the point of integrity, what happens when John McCain asks the same questions? At the moment when Hillary Clinton hems and haws about a question of her integrity, McCain only has to show the famous film where he refuses liberty from the Hanoi Hilton until all of the captives are released. Game, set, match, tournament, and the next four years go to John McCain.
McCain has much more authority on matters of national security compared to a similar voting record to Clinton's. What she brings to the table is a complete lack of credential on military matters, and the double whammy of annoying the bases of both parties. What a disaster.
Then, as discussed earlier, the Clinton campaign brings the stink of illegitimacy as a nominee. That is all the Democratic party needs, another generation of disillusioned young voters now susceptible to Republican rhetoric, compounded with an African-American constituency under the impression of being disenfranchised. This stinks like a truckload of mercury-tainted tuna jackknifed on the Jersey Turnpike in high summer.
On the economy, Clinton does not fare any better. Love NAFTA or hate it, she seems to be curiously absent when it comes to her having any role. Here exists yet another vacilation of political expediency. The voter is expected to count Mrs. Clinton's tenure as first lady as experience, except that she has no accountability for any decisions made between 1993 and 2001. If this makes any sense to anyone, medication is available to treat Schizophrenia and Psychosis these days.
The Clinton campaign is expecting voters to disregard the disconnects between the record-and the record. While Obama does not have the same amount of time in public service as Mrs. Clinton, he does offer an advantage of consistency in rhetoric and remarkable skill as a communicator and motivator. Obama is right to question Clinton's judgement, as it seems diaphanous and capricious in the extreme.
A Clinton nomination will give votes to the most consistent Democrat on the ballot.
John McCain of Arizona.
WILLIAM F. BUCKLEY 1925-2008
With sadness one notes upon the passing of Mr. Buckley last week. He was not only the godfather of the Conservative movement that brought Reagan to power, he was also a role model for those of us who endeavor to inform and entertain through the written word.
From God and Man at Yale, through National Review and a litany of novels and newspaper columns, Buckley challenged and shaped the discourse of two generations.
Whether or not one agreed with Buckley, he was emblematic of the witty and genteel debate that harks to the traditions of British Parliament, in a uniquely American tableau. His urbane charisma and mastery of language brought debate up to approach his level, as opposed to the modern form that relies primarily upon volume and demagoguery in search of the lowest common denominator.
While his detractors happily derided him as a pompous purveyor of polysyllabic political punditry, he earned reverential treatment from his opponents. An epicurean of language and thought, Buckley was a worthy and powerful contributor to the pantheon of American letters, whose gifts will be sorely missed.
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